I am moving over to the dark side.
tumblr, that is.
I've been following a few guys' tumblr pages and really enjoyed the design capabilities, as well as the user base (it seems no one uses blogger anymore, at least nobody in my target demographic), so I have decided to switch over.
Any and all posts from here on out will be posted on my tumblr page (link below).
I will keep this blog up for archival purposes, as some of my older rants and my testimony are quite long and could throw my new page into a funk.
Here is the link to my new blog. Use it well. Click Here Nao
Alright then. That's settled.
Love you, blogger.
~@
March 31, 2010
March 25, 2010
A Call To Arms
I'm really tired of waiting around for something to happen. I know impatience is a bad thing, but I honestly feel like I should be doing something proactive about my calling rather than just kinda sit around and sing all the time. That being said, I would like to enlist your help.
Here is what I believe to be my calling for ministry (what I hope to do with my life for Christ, to those who didn't quite understand right away):
I feel that God has led me to head up a metal band similar to For Today, Sleeping Giant, Underoath, ITMOL, The Crimson Armada, APFP, TDWP, etc (these are not my sole influences, but just some bigger names in the industry). The goal is to sing/scream for said band, making a unique sound that will help us stand out (quite crucial really) and to bring the gospel to the previously unreachable metal masses. If you have ever gone to a metal concert, you can plainly see that the hearts of these kids are extremely passionate, but VERY often misled. They feed off hate, and most of them have had a terrible experience with Christ before, due to us stupid Christians being so misleading with our faith.
In order to fulfill this calling, though, I need to find a band (obviously). For a long time (about a year), I had struggled to even scream properly, but about a month ago kinda got my start doing it right, and am progressing. My first plan is to do vocal covers for two reasons: 1) is that I practice more frequently when I want to cover things for perfection's sake, and 2) I can record said covers and post them on the internet to kinda give people a taste of my style.
About a year ago, I had put out an APB for musicians who just wanted to play in a band period. I had stated that it would be Christian, but had really no serious intentions other than maybe playing a show or two at bars or something someday. A couple guys whom I love dearly stepped up, and we've been "a band" since. The thing is, we don't practice very often, we're not getting any better with our instruments (I sort of am, but not a whole lot yet), and as they're both still in high school sophomores, it doesn't appear that we'll be doing anything major any time soon. I also am not certain that their hearts are where mine is in terms of absolute calling. I know they have good intentions, but what I need is a band wholly dedicated to Jesus; not the music or the fans or the money or fame or whatever. Jesus. And I'm not saying that these dudes are like that, but some things indicate a lack of absolute dedication that I want.
All that being said, I am seeking help. I need a band. Ideally, I could find a band just shy of a singer who are all set like I am on ministry through the music, and nothing more. Unfortunately for me, most bands like that have a dead-set vocalist who appears the most dedicated (aka will not step down). So I have no problem starting from scratch really, as that seems to be what's going to happen anyway. What I need are some people (no gender requirement, though methinks not many of you ladies are all too into metal itself) who are good with their instruments, like blessed by God good, with willing hearts
and a calling to do music for Jesus.
Said persons will not need tour-worthy gear YET, but must be willing to set aside money to get some. Being in a band is a lot more costly than a lot of people think.
This will not be a soft-style band. There will be blood. Granted, I do enjoy throwing a good falsetto into the mix, by and large, this band will be intensity, passion, energy, and most importantly, love. So if you're looking to play Jack Johnson or The Beatles style stuff, look elsewhere.
I do plan on making this my job. Ideally I would also work with a design company, record company, promotion, or recording stuff too, but primarily it would be ministry, much like a worship pastor at a church, only my church is comprised of dark, smelly stages and pissed off kids as my congregation (though I'm not aiming to preach per se).
Also, it would be fitting to say that I do intend on finishing my schooling (Lord willing) before doing anything like touring the entire country. I am on track to graduate in May of 2011. That does not mean, however, that we will wait until then to practice, play shows, promote, or write music. Getting a band off the ground is going to take time, so I feel that staying in school while I can is a smart move.
Musicians that I am looking for are:
-Guitarists. I would like at least two, as that provides a wider range of writing capabilities, but I know several great bands with only one guitarist.
-Bass player. You and the drummer are the backbone, the "heavy" of our sound, primarily. Guitars help, but you need to be REALLY good with scales to make the metal awesome.
-Drummer. Double bass pedal work is a must. I have a really ghetto set at my house if you don't own one, but methinks any highly talented drummer is talented because (s)he plays their own set a lot.
*Keyboardist. This is optional, but sampling can really liven up the sound and bring a lot to the table for a band.
*Other vocalist(s). This is, again, optional. This should also be tied into other band members for backup vocals only, or some switch off parts. I don't mean to come across as controlling, but I LOVE to sing, and my screaming is fairly unique which makes harmonizing and such a bit more awkward.
Clendis and David, I'm not cutting you guys from the band or anything, I'm just making it an open forum. I love you guys a ton, but I need that dedication. If you're serious about this, we need to get crackin' on our instruments, and not just jamming together but practicing by ourselves as well.
To the rest of you, if you, or someone you know, feels that you/they fit what I'm looking for, please contact me somehow about it, and we'll get to work on the whole mess.
Also, if you know of any bands that are looking for a vocalist and fit this description, PLEASE inform me and/or them! I understand this is a long shot, but you never know until you try, right?
Also also, if you can think of any songs you want me to do a vocal cover of, hit me up and I'll do my best. Please try to stick within the metal-esque genre, as trying to scream a pop song just doesn't work too well. I also do clean singing covers to some pop/rock stuff (Mayday Parade, All Time Low, etc.) so those would be fine as well. I just want to improve and get a "portfolio" of sorts going.
Also also also, if you know of any OTHER ways of getting my call to arms out there, please let me know. It's kind of a hard thing to intentionally do in Arizona, it seems.
That's about it. Thanks for reading, and please help me out! I know God is faithful and will provide, I simply wanted to do my best to get something done myself so I'm not being lazy about it.
Bless you,
~@othern
P.S. Sorry for not keeping this blog updated too much, but I've been in a hustle to get stuff done in the past few weeks, and really haven't done much writing, even for school or myself, so I apologize to anyone who might read this. I'll try to keep it more regular. Maybe I just need more fiber in my diet, ha.
Here is what I believe to be my calling for ministry (what I hope to do with my life for Christ, to those who didn't quite understand right away):
I feel that God has led me to head up a metal band similar to For Today, Sleeping Giant, Underoath, ITMOL, The Crimson Armada, APFP, TDWP, etc (these are not my sole influences, but just some bigger names in the industry). The goal is to sing/scream for said band, making a unique sound that will help us stand out (quite crucial really) and to bring the gospel to the previously unreachable metal masses. If you have ever gone to a metal concert, you can plainly see that the hearts of these kids are extremely passionate, but VERY often misled. They feed off hate, and most of them have had a terrible experience with Christ before, due to us stupid Christians being so misleading with our faith.
In order to fulfill this calling, though, I need to find a band (obviously). For a long time (about a year), I had struggled to even scream properly, but about a month ago kinda got my start doing it right, and am progressing. My first plan is to do vocal covers for two reasons: 1) is that I practice more frequently when I want to cover things for perfection's sake, and 2) I can record said covers and post them on the internet to kinda give people a taste of my style.
About a year ago, I had put out an APB for musicians who just wanted to play in a band period. I had stated that it would be Christian, but had really no serious intentions other than maybe playing a show or two at bars or something someday. A couple guys whom I love dearly stepped up, and we've been "a band" since. The thing is, we don't practice very often, we're not getting any better with our instruments (I sort of am, but not a whole lot yet), and as they're both still in high school sophomores, it doesn't appear that we'll be doing anything major any time soon. I also am not certain that their hearts are where mine is in terms of absolute calling. I know they have good intentions, but what I need is a band wholly dedicated to Jesus; not the music or the fans or the money or fame or whatever. Jesus. And I'm not saying that these dudes are like that, but some things indicate a lack of absolute dedication that I want.
All that being said, I am seeking help. I need a band. Ideally, I could find a band just shy of a singer who are all set like I am on ministry through the music, and nothing more. Unfortunately for me, most bands like that have a dead-set vocalist who appears the most dedicated (aka will not step down). So I have no problem starting from scratch really, as that seems to be what's going to happen anyway. What I need are some people (no gender requirement, though methinks not many of you ladies are all too into metal itself) who are good with their instruments, like blessed by God good, with willing hearts
and a calling to do music for Jesus.
Said persons will not need tour-worthy gear YET, but must be willing to set aside money to get some. Being in a band is a lot more costly than a lot of people think.
This will not be a soft-style band. There will be blood. Granted, I do enjoy throwing a good falsetto into the mix, by and large, this band will be intensity, passion, energy, and most importantly, love. So if you're looking to play Jack Johnson or The Beatles style stuff, look elsewhere.
I do plan on making this my job. Ideally I would also work with a design company, record company, promotion, or recording stuff too, but primarily it would be ministry, much like a worship pastor at a church, only my church is comprised of dark, smelly stages and pissed off kids as my congregation (though I'm not aiming to preach per se).
Also, it would be fitting to say that I do intend on finishing my schooling (Lord willing) before doing anything like touring the entire country. I am on track to graduate in May of 2011. That does not mean, however, that we will wait until then to practice, play shows, promote, or write music. Getting a band off the ground is going to take time, so I feel that staying in school while I can is a smart move.
Musicians that I am looking for are:
-Guitarists. I would like at least two, as that provides a wider range of writing capabilities, but I know several great bands with only one guitarist.
-Bass player. You and the drummer are the backbone, the "heavy" of our sound, primarily. Guitars help, but you need to be REALLY good with scales to make the metal awesome.
-Drummer. Double bass pedal work is a must. I have a really ghetto set at my house if you don't own one, but methinks any highly talented drummer is talented because (s)he plays their own set a lot.
*Keyboardist. This is optional, but sampling can really liven up the sound and bring a lot to the table for a band.
*Other vocalist(s). This is, again, optional. This should also be tied into other band members for backup vocals only, or some switch off parts. I don't mean to come across as controlling, but I LOVE to sing, and my screaming is fairly unique which makes harmonizing and such a bit more awkward.
Clendis and David, I'm not cutting you guys from the band or anything, I'm just making it an open forum. I love you guys a ton, but I need that dedication. If you're serious about this, we need to get crackin' on our instruments, and not just jamming together but practicing by ourselves as well.
To the rest of you, if you, or someone you know, feels that you/they fit what I'm looking for, please contact me somehow about it, and we'll get to work on the whole mess.
Also, if you know of any bands that are looking for a vocalist and fit this description, PLEASE inform me and/or them! I understand this is a long shot, but you never know until you try, right?
Also also, if you can think of any songs you want me to do a vocal cover of, hit me up and I'll do my best. Please try to stick within the metal-esque genre, as trying to scream a pop song just doesn't work too well. I also do clean singing covers to some pop/rock stuff (Mayday Parade, All Time Low, etc.) so those would be fine as well. I just want to improve and get a "portfolio" of sorts going.
Also also also, if you know of any OTHER ways of getting my call to arms out there, please let me know. It's kind of a hard thing to intentionally do in Arizona, it seems.
That's about it. Thanks for reading, and please help me out! I know God is faithful and will provide, I simply wanted to do my best to get something done myself so I'm not being lazy about it.
Bless you,
~@othern
P.S. Sorry for not keeping this blog updated too much, but I've been in a hustle to get stuff done in the past few weeks, and really haven't done much writing, even for school or myself, so I apologize to anyone who might read this. I'll try to keep it more regular. Maybe I just need more fiber in my diet, ha.
March 09, 2010
Thingsome (Poem)
I'm kinda breaking my own rules here, and wrote a poem instead of lyrics, though I suppose one could potentially alter it a bit and make it music-worthy. I was browsing a poetry website and just got a wave of inspiration by the title "Something" by Maddaline Liotta. I didn't even read the poem (though I'm sure it's great), but I just went on a writing craze. Here is the result:
I thought it was pretty cool.
Anyway, I've gotta get to bed. One week until spring break for me, which means I just might churn out some new writing in a week or so. Stay tuned, and give me ideas on what to write about!
lovelovelovelovelovelovelove,
~@othern
there is always something.
you cannot grasp it
you cannot find it
you want it, no, need it
there is always something.
the pursuit of happiness
forms a wide circle of confusion
and insatiable thirsts
there is always something.
no leaves remain unturned
no shadows unsearched
no hands that have gone without holding
there is always something.
every sweet, bitter morsel
all refreshing swash
come and gone, turned to ashes
there is always something.
nets and traps cannot keep it
nor can it be contained at all
yet within us it lies dormant
and ready to be had
there is always something.
I thought it was pretty cool.
Anyway, I've gotta get to bed. One week until spring break for me, which means I just might churn out some new writing in a week or so. Stay tuned, and give me ideas on what to write about!
lovelovelovelovelovelovelove,
~@othern
February 24, 2010
Neckbolts That Say Otherwise (Song)
New song, yay! I had the first two lines written a long time ago, and just tonight finished off the rest of it. Quick explanation: I took the multiple Old-Testament scriptures about shepherds leading their flocks astray (e.g., Jeremiah 50:6), and mixed it with a Frankenstein/Beauty and the Beast kinda feel. The end piece is roughly cut from Zechariah 13:7 as well.
Yep, that's all he wrote. For now.
Just one tidbit of news and then I'm going to bed. My mom found my firewire (the cable that connects my video camera to my PC) so I FINALLY uploaded my three old vocal covers from when I was using fry screaming. They're on my facebook if you want to check them out. As a consequence (a good one) of this, I am hereby going to be making other cover videos as I practice my singing/screaming, and will happily take requests, though not all requests may be actually covered (depends on style, lyrics, etc.).
Okay, bye-bye now.
lovelovelovelovelovelovelove,
~@othern
Oh misled flock, where have your eyes gone?
They're as vacant as your chest.
I've never left you to the lions before,
But it seems I've been harboring worse all along.
I've created a monster...
It's alive, it's alive!
Grab your swords, your pitchforks and
Let's put this beast to...
I am the shepherd of the fallen ones,
And my pasture is chaos and despair.
Don't look for comfort in my care.
My flock is for the slaughter.
Oh children of Zion! How I have failed you.
I've create a monster...
It's alive, it's alive!
Grab your swords, your pitchforks and
Let's put this beast to...death.
Smite the shepherd, kill the beast
Smite the shepherd, kill the beast
Spare the lamb, spare the lamb
Spare the lamb, spare the lamb
Yep, that's all he wrote. For now.
Just one tidbit of news and then I'm going to bed. My mom found my firewire (the cable that connects my video camera to my PC) so I FINALLY uploaded my three old vocal covers from when I was using fry screaming. They're on my facebook if you want to check them out. As a consequence (a good one) of this, I am hereby going to be making other cover videos as I practice my singing/screaming, and will happily take requests, though not all requests may be actually covered (depends on style, lyrics, etc.).
Okay, bye-bye now.
lovelovelovelovelovelovelove,
~@othern
February 19, 2010
Bootstomp The Forked End (Song)
I'm back again. Sorry about not updating. Once again, life has decided to take over my life (ha) so my usual free time has been shortened to the point where I rarely have time to even THINK of writing. As it were, I will update you on some things after the lyrics and explanation.
Explanation: I took the idea of the serpent being the representation of temptation in the Garden (of Eden) and used that to essentially sum up my constant struggle and attitude towards it. It seems like I am destined to willingly turn my back on Christ for a cheap thrill or two, and I feel like I'm missing out on God's unending love for me by doing so.
Anyway, there are a couple other things I wanted to inform you on. The first is that my vocals have improved. This may seem like a big-whoop moment for you, but for a guy who believes he's called to use his voice to show Christ's love, it means a helluva lot. That being said, my vocals have indeed gotten better, but they still aren't great. I figured this would happen, but I have a great outlook on improvement within the next year or so that I'll still be in school.
Other things I wish to write to you about are:
I read The Shack, that super controversial novel about meeting God for a weekend in a shack. I will say shorthand-like that I enjoyed it thoroughly, and God used it to reveal some truths that I'd never before really considered. Yes, there are inconsistencies, but with a little discernment and a logical approach, you can see the intent behind these fallacies and actually use them to benefit your understanding better. I can and probably will do a full write-up of it, a sort of counter-argument to most of the criticisms when I find the time.
Since then, I've picked up Don Miller's latest, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. So far, it's pretty boss. But it isn't jam-packed with spiritual insight like most of his other work was, at least within the first section. A bit of a shock, but not necessarily disappointing. The reading is still very good and quite funny, and I'd expect nothing less.
I've been getting really involved in the local music scene, or at least trying to lately. Apparently there are quite a few God-fearing local bands that I feel you should check out, if you're into the style of music that I am.
The King's Divide
City In The Sea
Monsters of Maple Street
These dudes are legit, and even though they aren't pro, I'd say they've got potential.
Something big that's going on in my life is a ministry shift. Let me explain. For the past 4-5 years or so I've been involved with a ministry called Young Life which reaches out to the lost in high schools via friendship and various activities to hang out at. It's a really great organization, the people are generally awesome, and the kids are the best part (aside from Jesus being with you, obvs). However, this year has been a bit of a struggle for me. For one thing, our "staffing" of leaders have dwindled, and our decade-long head leader recently dropped out of the game for awhile. I am basically the most experienced leader on our team, which, coupled with the fact that I don't really feel that Young Life is my calling, is stressful.
To add to the whole mess, a new college ministry is starting up called Refuge. It's basically a Saturday night church service aimed at young adults (18-25 ish). Our college bible study is "planting" it, and naturally, feeling that I am called to sing, I have committed to a year's worth of attendance and work towards this ministry. The problem is, Young Life can be very demanding if you do it right, and if you aren't doing it right - if your heart isn't 110% into the work - they basically don't want you (it sounds harsher than it really is, but it's the kind of work ethic they want).
So I'm essentially torn. I want to pursue music ministry with this church and eventually a band, but I don't want to leave the kids, or hand the leadership burdens to the inexperienced and possibly cause a collapse.
I've also become increasingly concerned with my other abilities that would be necessary for a band ministry. For instance, I've never been onstage music-wise since I was in a church choir when I was like six. So stage presence is a concern. I've also never fit lyrics to instrumental music, nor written melody for singing/screaming before. So that really worries me. I guess I'm just saying please pray that these things come with experience, and quickly enough to accomplish God's purposes.
Speaking of, I am especially concerned about my periodic sinful ventures keeping me from fulfilling God's will. Plainly speaking, I'm terrified that I'll continue to turn my back on Him, and He will deem me unusable, and I will never accomplish what He has for me. It's a real downer.
Anyway, I think that's about all I have for now. I might be (hopefully) writing another blog or two within the month (haha). The topics: unknown, but I want to write more. It's a good way of clearing my mind, you know?
As always, feel free to talk to me, text me, email me, twitter me, ask me anonymously (see right), comment me, or whatever. I'm open to criticism, compliment, suggestions, requests, declarations, and the like.
lovelovelovelovelovelove,
~@othern
I made a veil; it hides my shame
So nothing but good comes with my name
I am a fraud, but at least I admit it
I am a fraud, and somehow I can't quit it
I can't live my life
Failure by failure
My weary heart is dying
From all this denying
Of love
I know not what you speak
Of love
Say what you really mean
Of love
Oh how I long to feel
Of love
Something that's never real to me
I can't decipher; the vipers
They cloak lies in whispers
Seductive, selective, destructive
I eat it up, eat it up
Dripping fangs of deceit and regret
I welcome the feast of innocence
And their venom keeps me denying
Your love
I know not what you speak
Of love
Say what you really mean
Of love
Oh how I long to feel
Your love
Something that's never real to me
Put an end to the torment and
Crush the head of the serpent
Crush the head of the serpent
Crush the head of the serpent
Explanation: I took the idea of the serpent being the representation of temptation in the Garden (of Eden) and used that to essentially sum up my constant struggle and attitude towards it. It seems like I am destined to willingly turn my back on Christ for a cheap thrill or two, and I feel like I'm missing out on God's unending love for me by doing so.
Anyway, there are a couple other things I wanted to inform you on. The first is that my vocals have improved. This may seem like a big-whoop moment for you, but for a guy who believes he's called to use his voice to show Christ's love, it means a helluva lot. That being said, my vocals have indeed gotten better, but they still aren't great. I figured this would happen, but I have a great outlook on improvement within the next year or so that I'll still be in school.
Other things I wish to write to you about are:
I read The Shack, that super controversial novel about meeting God for a weekend in a shack. I will say shorthand-like that I enjoyed it thoroughly, and God used it to reveal some truths that I'd never before really considered. Yes, there are inconsistencies, but with a little discernment and a logical approach, you can see the intent behind these fallacies and actually use them to benefit your understanding better. I can and probably will do a full write-up of it, a sort of counter-argument to most of the criticisms when I find the time.
Since then, I've picked up Don Miller's latest, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. So far, it's pretty boss. But it isn't jam-packed with spiritual insight like most of his other work was, at least within the first section. A bit of a shock, but not necessarily disappointing. The reading is still very good and quite funny, and I'd expect nothing less.
I've been getting really involved in the local music scene, or at least trying to lately. Apparently there are quite a few God-fearing local bands that I feel you should check out, if you're into the style of music that I am.
The King's Divide
City In The Sea
Monsters of Maple Street
These dudes are legit, and even though they aren't pro, I'd say they've got potential.
Something big that's going on in my life is a ministry shift. Let me explain. For the past 4-5 years or so I've been involved with a ministry called Young Life which reaches out to the lost in high schools via friendship and various activities to hang out at. It's a really great organization, the people are generally awesome, and the kids are the best part (aside from Jesus being with you, obvs). However, this year has been a bit of a struggle for me. For one thing, our "staffing" of leaders have dwindled, and our decade-long head leader recently dropped out of the game for awhile. I am basically the most experienced leader on our team, which, coupled with the fact that I don't really feel that Young Life is my calling, is stressful.
To add to the whole mess, a new college ministry is starting up called Refuge. It's basically a Saturday night church service aimed at young adults (18-25 ish). Our college bible study is "planting" it, and naturally, feeling that I am called to sing, I have committed to a year's worth of attendance and work towards this ministry. The problem is, Young Life can be very demanding if you do it right, and if you aren't doing it right - if your heart isn't 110% into the work - they basically don't want you (it sounds harsher than it really is, but it's the kind of work ethic they want).
So I'm essentially torn. I want to pursue music ministry with this church and eventually a band, but I don't want to leave the kids, or hand the leadership burdens to the inexperienced and possibly cause a collapse.
I've also become increasingly concerned with my other abilities that would be necessary for a band ministry. For instance, I've never been onstage music-wise since I was in a church choir when I was like six. So stage presence is a concern. I've also never fit lyrics to instrumental music, nor written melody for singing/screaming before. So that really worries me. I guess I'm just saying please pray that these things come with experience, and quickly enough to accomplish God's purposes.
Speaking of, I am especially concerned about my periodic sinful ventures keeping me from fulfilling God's will. Plainly speaking, I'm terrified that I'll continue to turn my back on Him, and He will deem me unusable, and I will never accomplish what He has for me. It's a real downer.
Anyway, I think that's about all I have for now. I might be (hopefully) writing another blog or two within the month (haha). The topics: unknown, but I want to write more. It's a good way of clearing my mind, you know?
As always, feel free to talk to me, text me, email me, twitter me, ask me anonymously (see right), comment me, or whatever. I'm open to criticism, compliment, suggestions, requests, declarations, and the like.
lovelovelovelovelovelove,
~@othern
February 03, 2010
Less Heart Than The Tin Man (Song)
Hey folks, sorry it's been a while. School has officially started sapping all my time and energy, thus leaving me without either to write or whip up some inspiration for writing. I'll try to be more regular, but do bear with me please.
Okay, onto the lyrics.
The basic idea behind this is an accusation against a seemingly repugnant female who lost her faith and now is giving into the world's hold on her. Thus, she becomes a zombie, which we all know needs a good head shot. Note that this is NOT the way to handle someone who's lost their way, mind you. It's more of a depiction of what would happen in the end times, with a fun twist.
As for future blogging, I am more than willing to post things other than my lyrics. I've started reading The Shack by William P. Young, and may write some observations from that. But I would love to write on something that interests you. So if you'd like me to write about something in particular, eg. my opinion on predestination or something, let me know.
Thanks for reading. I hope God blesses you through it!
lovelovelovelovelove,
~@othern
Okay, onto the lyrics.
what the hell is your problem?
oh wait, speak up, that's it
your words smell of decay
and selfishness
They're rotting before
They reach your throat
Choking back all the
Truth you once spoke
So tell me, darling
Where has your heart gone?
Because from where I stand
You're a zombie, baby, so ruthless
You wouldn't know love
If it shot you in the face
Craving nothing but hot flesh
And fetishes, what a lusting disgrace
So tell me, darling
Where has your heart gone?
Because from where I stand
You're a zombie, baby, so loveless
BANG BANG!
I'm aiming for your head, girl
BANG BANG!
It's all that's left unscathed
BANG BANG!
Your chest is but a void, a prison
BANG BANG!
I can't save you, I can't be your savior
But I will be your end tonight
Oh no, my darling!
Oh where have you gone?
Because from where I stand
You're a bloodstain, baby, so lifeless
The basic idea behind this is an accusation against a seemingly repugnant female who lost her faith and now is giving into the world's hold on her. Thus, she becomes a zombie, which we all know needs a good head shot. Note that this is NOT the way to handle someone who's lost their way, mind you. It's more of a depiction of what would happen in the end times, with a fun twist.
As for future blogging, I am more than willing to post things other than my lyrics. I've started reading The Shack by William P. Young, and may write some observations from that. But I would love to write on something that interests you. So if you'd like me to write about something in particular, eg. my opinion on predestination or something, let me know.
Thanks for reading. I hope God blesses you through it!
lovelovelovelovelove,
~@othern
January 19, 2010
The Fool's Gold Centerfold (Song)
Yep, I wrote another one. I was listening to a new Christian metal band called Betraying The Martyrs from France, and it just kind of came to me. Definitely the Lord's words, not my own.
Hope God uses this one to bless you somehow.
The meaning is, again, pretty straight-forward, but I would be glad to discuss it, or really discuss anything, with you if you'd like. Keep praying for me please! I definitely need it. Also let me know how I can help you, if I can help you. I'd honestly love to!
lovelovelovelovelove,
~@
I was there
The day that
Innocence died
I saw her shrouded figure
Fall to the ground
Misty eyed and let down
Murdered by man himself
I felt the breath of purity
As it brushed across my cheek
Her song, it came to me
In not but a whisper
Awake, I see
With stinging clarity
How cruel my sons can be
That they don't know me
I am the void
That you feel inside
You can run, but you can't hide
The hole I left
When you left me
Oh foolish child, believe
Believe
I can raise the dead
Believe
I chose you instead
Believe
I will end the curse
Believe
But you have to trust me first
I was there
The day that
Innocence died
And love was born
And love was born
Hope God uses this one to bless you somehow.
The meaning is, again, pretty straight-forward, but I would be glad to discuss it, or really discuss anything, with you if you'd like. Keep praying for me please! I definitely need it. Also let me know how I can help you, if I can help you. I'd honestly love to!
lovelovelovelovelove,
~@
January 18, 2010
Dropping Calls Like Bombs (Song)
This is kind of a weird song. At first it was just free writing, but I thought it could make a good song or two. It's a two-part wordplay, with a central experience and a before-after type feel. You might just pick it up.
That's about it. Just imagine the first set being violently screamed with chaotic background music and the second set with uplifting, soft to soaring song.
Talk to me if you wish. I'd be glad to talk back.
Pray for me too, please. I'm getting into a bit of a mood (in case you hadn't noticed from the lyrics alone).
Thanks, and lovelovelovelovelove,
~@
lust, lost, last, dirty, filthy, unworthy, biased, failure, sucker, pathetic, loser, cheat, jerk, numb, hypocrite, liar, despairing, dark, sick, distorted, gross, junkie, pervert, predator, murderer, slut, glutton, selfish, hate, fallen, rebel, wrong, crappy, shameful, forgotten, abandoner, faithless, pathetic, petty, selective, mistrust, sorry, dispassionate, mistaken, apathy, alone.
love, forgiven, value, washed, bright, clean, strength, progression, forward, held, future, peace, rest, acceptable, wanted, caring, improved, chosen, voice, love, greatness, humility, help, blessing, freedom, giving, sound, desirable, smile, steps, colorful, love, joyous, hello, always, captive, heart, homebound, welcome, supported, forgetting, thoughts, love, love, love, love, love, love, Jesus, Jesus.
That's about it. Just imagine the first set being violently screamed with chaotic background music and the second set with uplifting, soft to soaring song.
Talk to me if you wish. I'd be glad to talk back.
Pray for me too, please. I'm getting into a bit of a mood (in case you hadn't noticed from the lyrics alone).
Thanks, and lovelovelovelovelove,
~@
January 10, 2010
Ending Hell (Song)
This one was strongly inspired by Sleeping Giant, as I've been really jamming to them a lot, and am totally encouraged by Tommy (the vocalist) and his lyrics, as well as the band's mission. Sharp eyes will draw similarities to War of Ages or Corpus Christi lyrics as well, but that was somewhat unintentional.
Again, another pretty straight-forward song. But if you'd like the full explanation for it, I'd be happy to oblige.
Hope God is moving in you. Pray He continues to do so in me. I'm really stoked for His future for me!
lovelovelovelovelove,
~@othern
How can you call yourself my brothers
When you turn and run
As soon as the dragon roars?
You say you're set apart from the others
Then why don't you stand
And fight in this endless war?
Have all the good ones gone?
Where are all your sons, God?
Forced to face the enemy
Abandoned and forsaken
If you know my God like you say you do
Why not grab up your weapon
And join me in ending Hell?
Have all the good ones gone?
Where are all your sons, God?
Forced to face the enemy
Abandoned, forsaken, alone
"And lo, I am with you always, even unto the
end of the world..."
As my sword runs them through
My eyes wet with pain and their remains
I see Your army come running
And my spirit is renewed once more
With wrath we yell,
"Fare thee well!"
With hope we sing,
"Fight for your King!"
Again, another pretty straight-forward song. But if you'd like the full explanation for it, I'd be happy to oblige.
Hope God is moving in you. Pray He continues to do so in me. I'm really stoked for His future for me!
lovelovelovelovelove,
~@othern
January 07, 2010
Reflections in the Sand
This blog will probably be pretty lame. I'm only writing because I felt like I needed to write, but honestly have little to say. I don't have any new lyrics written to post yet. I'm kinda hoping for some more inspiration for that. I'm also looking for inspiration on other things to write, like my older blogs that weren't lyrical, or a book.
Yes, I do want to write a book. I just don't know what to write it about. I don't even think I could stretch my life to fit more than maybe 60 pages. Then again, I've got a lot of growing to do still.
I don't know. I was reading my super old blogs (before I even made this one) on myspace, and I'm kind of shocked. I was a whiny, selfish emo-brat. Like, seriously. Look at some of the crap I wrote:
LAME! Granted, I was going through probably the hardest part of my life thus far, and even so the writing, albeit annoying and complain-ridden, is quite well-done. Yes, I know. I'm a weird guy.
It's funny, because reading this stuff kinda put me back in that mindset for awhile. No, not the super emo crybaby crap, but the mindset of the whole situation. Now, I know I'm crazy, but I think it could be coming back. Hopefully not the sucky parts, but I feel God moving me somehow. Like, I can totally relate to this, which I wrote way back when:
Shoot-dang. I totally nailed it back then, aye? Aye indeed. Life is a mystery...
Anyway, I also found some old poetry/songs that I never transferred here, so I may be doing that soon, to give you a taste of my progress through the past few years. Figure that could be fun.
Oh, another thing I wanted to tell you is that I've been recently practicing my vocals a lot, and even recorded some (not-so-great) covers during my practice a couple days ago. Only problem is, I can't find my firewire cable to transfer the videos onto my computer. But rest assured, when I do find it, I'll throw em up on youtube or something and if nothing else post a link to them here, so you can get a feel for what I do (even though right now I'm not doing so great haha).
Interesting side-note/story: I have a college-age bible study group Wednesday nights that I attend at my friend's church. So tonight, we were reading the story from Luke 19 about the master who entrusted his servants with his money, and expected them to turn it for profit. I won't detail the whole story for the sake of my slaughtering of the Bible, but what really kind of struck me is our leader-dude Troy decided to do a little exercise where we went around the room and mentioned something we loved to do and had some talent for. I said singing, naturally. Troy then said at the end that we should use what God has given us as passions and talents to turn a profit for His kingdom. It was just a nice reminder from God to me about this band thing I wanna do. I've been getting discouraged because my screaming is still not great, but I think He just wanted to reassure me tonight with that, and I'm thankful for it. So yeah.
I also added a widget to the right (--> that way -->) where you can talk to me anonymously. It's pretty neat. So feel free to use that if you want to say something and not be known, or even if you want to ask me about something. As I've said before, I'm totally down to talk about nearly anything. I may even write a blog explaining my take on certain things if you'd like.
And I know I say this a lot, but I really do love you few who actually read my crap. I write for many reasons, but one I love is to try and be a blessing to you somehow. I'd like to think that my writing could give you peace on certain things, move you somehow, or help you hear God's call for your life. So thank you, whoever you are, for allowing me to be a part of your life, no matter how small.
If you'd like for me to write about something, maybe something you're going through or are having trouble figuring out, or maybe would like to know how I dealt with certain issues, be sure to let me know. My hope is to be a servant with this blog first, and a showcase of my writing and thoughts and self second.
On that note, I think I'll try and get some sleep before a hike with some friends tomorrow (woo). I hope God has been using me to help you somehow! And if He hasn't, take some initiative and talk to me!!
lovelovelovelovelove,
~@
Yes, I do want to write a book. I just don't know what to write it about. I don't even think I could stretch my life to fit more than maybe 60 pages. Then again, I've got a lot of growing to do still.
I don't know. I was reading my super old blogs (before I even made this one) on myspace, and I'm kind of shocked. I was a whiny, selfish emo-brat. Like, seriously. Look at some of the crap I wrote:
I wonder what your heart sings.
I wonder how mine is doing.
I wonder why I love you. Then again, no I don’t. I know why.
WHY are people listening but not hearing?
WHY do I wish I could do nothing but cry for the rest of my life?
All I wanted was to fix it, so why am I breaking instead?
From the tattered fringes of the broken heart flows the ceaseless love, unbound...
LAME! Granted, I was going through probably the hardest part of my life thus far, and even so the writing, albeit annoying and complain-ridden, is quite well-done. Yes, I know. I'm a weird guy.
It's funny, because reading this stuff kinda put me back in that mindset for awhile. No, not the super emo crybaby crap, but the mindset of the whole situation. Now, I know I'm crazy, but I think it could be coming back. Hopefully not the sucky parts, but I feel God moving me somehow. Like, I can totally relate to this, which I wrote way back when:
I’m tired of dormantly chasing after something it seems I’ll never catch.
Shoot-dang. I totally nailed it back then, aye? Aye indeed. Life is a mystery...
Anyway, I also found some old poetry/songs that I never transferred here, so I may be doing that soon, to give you a taste of my progress through the past few years. Figure that could be fun.
Oh, another thing I wanted to tell you is that I've been recently practicing my vocals a lot, and even recorded some (not-so-great) covers during my practice a couple days ago. Only problem is, I can't find my firewire cable to transfer the videos onto my computer. But rest assured, when I do find it, I'll throw em up on youtube or something and if nothing else post a link to them here, so you can get a feel for what I do (even though right now I'm not doing so great haha).
Interesting side-note/story: I have a college-age bible study group Wednesday nights that I attend at my friend's church. So tonight, we were reading the story from Luke 19 about the master who entrusted his servants with his money, and expected them to turn it for profit. I won't detail the whole story for the sake of my slaughtering of the Bible, but what really kind of struck me is our leader-dude Troy decided to do a little exercise where we went around the room and mentioned something we loved to do and had some talent for. I said singing, naturally. Troy then said at the end that we should use what God has given us as passions and talents to turn a profit for His kingdom. It was just a nice reminder from God to me about this band thing I wanna do. I've been getting discouraged because my screaming is still not great, but I think He just wanted to reassure me tonight with that, and I'm thankful for it. So yeah.
I also added a widget to the right (--> that way -->) where you can talk to me anonymously. It's pretty neat. So feel free to use that if you want to say something and not be known, or even if you want to ask me about something. As I've said before, I'm totally down to talk about nearly anything. I may even write a blog explaining my take on certain things if you'd like.
And I know I say this a lot, but I really do love you few who actually read my crap. I write for many reasons, but one I love is to try and be a blessing to you somehow. I'd like to think that my writing could give you peace on certain things, move you somehow, or help you hear God's call for your life. So thank you, whoever you are, for allowing me to be a part of your life, no matter how small.
If you'd like for me to write about something, maybe something you're going through or are having trouble figuring out, or maybe would like to know how I dealt with certain issues, be sure to let me know. My hope is to be a servant with this blog first, and a showcase of my writing and thoughts and self second.
On that note, I think I'll try and get some sleep before a hike with some friends tomorrow (woo). I hope God has been using me to help you somehow! And if He hasn't, take some initiative and talk to me!!
lovelovelovelovelove,
~@
January 05, 2010
You Shall Not Pass (Song)
Yep, another one. This one really draws from my past experiences, and was kind of written in the midst of a friend's not-so-fun situation. It should be pretty straight-forward (as quite a bit of my writing is lately), but if you still want better understanding, hit me up and I'll help you out! Enjoy!
So...yeah. Go read my last blog too. It's rather new, and it contains a resolutions list as well as some confessions (those things I've been telling you about for like two months now)!
love you guys,
~@
This weight of unrequite
Is enough to choke
All the air from these lungs
And make me black and blue
If only the rhythm
That the heart plays loud
Could beat to a different tune
Then I'd stop it all together
I'm sick of its sweet song
Teasing, taunting, flaunting, fleeting
Go ahead and call me wrong
But you can't deny the bleeding
Patience, patience, patience
It's all I ever hear or say
Patience, patience, patience
I seem to have run dry
Oh
I'm just so sick of its sweet song
Teasing, taunting, flaunting, fleeting
Go ahead and call me wrong
But you can't deny the bleeding
Father, what have I done wrong?
Where is my bride? Where has she been?
This is what it felt like?
To be abandoned by your beloved...
ALL ALONE
ALL ALONE
AT THE ALTAR
ALL ALONE
I long for your sweet song, Oh God
Healing, humbling, calming, completing
I'm sorry, I've been so very wrong
Please, please deny me this bleeding!
Pick me up
Dust me off
It's time to reclaim
Your bride
So...yeah. Go read my last blog too. It's rather new, and it contains a resolutions list as well as some confessions (those things I've been telling you about for like two months now)!
love you guys,
~@
January 03, 2010
Don't Hold Your Breath
Okay, so I know this is a bit later than I'd said before, but it's still the weekend! This here blog is going to be a bit different than the rest. I will, for those interested, write down some "resolutions" or changes I would like to make in the coming year(s). But I will also include a list of confessions that I feel would benefit not only me for getting them off my chest, but others who may be struggling with the same things.
A quick couple news items before we begin this list-fest:
1) I wrote another song that I will, at this time, not be posted on this blog. It is, however, in my notes on facebook. The reason for this is that I wrote the song in good humor about the situation Ronnie Radke (ex-vocalist of Escape the Fate) is in. I may or may not ever move it here, but if you know me IRL, you can view it on facebook. And should I decide to record that song with a band, I will be altering it to be more meaningful and teach a message rather than just basically laugh at the whole thing.
2) I will hopefully be writing more songs/blogs soon. I have a very strong notion to write a song similar to Impending Doom's "Silence The Oppressors" about the issues the Church has regarding the metal/hardcore scene. It's been burning my heart recently, so I'd like to get that out there.
3) I will be going back to school starting January 19th, and even though my schedule is a bit less demanding this semester (level 100 classes FTW), I may be falling out of writing again like I did last October.
Okay, onto the lists o' awesome.
The Changes I'd Like To Make:
-I want to write in my prayer journal every day. It's a step forward on the reading the Bible everyday thing that I started last year (and am still keeping up, thank God).
-I want to be more active in a church. This past year I kind of fell out of regularly attending my church (Vineyard North Phoenix). I don't want to do that anymore. So I want to start attending regularly again. Another offshoot of this is my friend's church is starting a college-age service and as far as I know, I'm still invited to be a part of the service, hopefully singing. I would love to do that.
-I want to be a better Young Life leader. I'm a really crappy one right now. I don't really do contact work, or hang with kids outside of club and campaigners.
-I want to be on good standing with all my friends. More of this in the confessions later.
-I want to be a blessing to a girl in the form of a romantic relationship. This is just a fancy way of saying, I don't want to be single anymore.
-I want to do things in God's will and strength, and not my own. Pretty self-explanatory, but a lot harder to do than say.
-I want to be more active in general. As much as I love loafing around my bedroom all day, I need to get out and play some frisbee, or even just go loaf around a coffee shop with friends. Something that doesn't involve my super-comfy computer chair.
-I want to write more, and write to please God. Sometimes I think I write stuff whether or not God is involved in my thinking. I hope He'll be in ALL my thinking and writing henceforth.
-I'd love to break my addiction. More to come in the confessions list.
-I want to start making good habits. I don't currently brush my teeth very often, because I didn't see it as such a big deal. But it needs to be done. I'm tired of carrying around Binaca everywhere I go for fear of scaring off pretty girls because of my breath-funk.
-I want to start making vocal practice a daily thing, not just on occasion. This involves finding time to practice, finding energy and willpower, and also testing my family with my loudness every single day. I haven't started this one yet though.
-I want to not get angry about certain things. I'm not generally an angry person to begin with, but some things get me super-heated. And I don't like it.
-I want to be a better friend. Sometimes I think I fail at friendship, and that it might turn my friends away from me. Luckily, God's graced me with some persistent people for friends.
I'd say that about sums up my first list. I would put something to the degree of getting a job on there, but I honestly don't know if that's the smartest move right now. Sure, I could use the extra money and the experience, but the time factor is the issue. I'm not sure if I'd be able to function properly with a job, school, Young Life, my family, and a band to work on. Just doesn't seem right.
Anyway, onto the fun list. Be forewarned that what is written below is some screwed up stuff, and I don't blame you for walking away disgusted, pissed off, or scared. I'm just telling it like it is, because I feel it's necessary.
The List O' Confessions
-The biggest one is my addiction. I'm addicted to pornography. I've been hooked since I was probably around 13. I have broken the addiction once back in 2007, but shortly dragged myself back into the hole. It's been better more recently than before, with only the occasional slip up. But it's something I feel deep disgust and chagrin for, and I am ashamed to admit it, even though I know I'm not alone.
-This addiction has spread to other areas of my life. I've used my imagination before to create some dastardly deeds. Not always sexual, mind you. I mean, some of them are, and I feel like a sick person, but I won't deny it.
-I've also imagined hurting people. Not just adults, but pretty much anyone who annoys me. I've thought about pushing my 4 year old niece down the stairs before. I never DID that, thank God, but I've thought it.
-Another somewhat big one (to me) is that I will avoid my friends if I don't feel like talking to them. I dodge calls like Neo dodged bullets in The Matrix all the time, and every time I do, I feel like a douche. If I don't agree with something that a friend does or did, I'll also sometimes avoid them. I'll make up a lie and say I'm busy with other people/things, or simply never return their messages or calls.
-I think I fall in love with any female who wants to be my friend. Maybe I'm wrong, but I find myself suppressing feelings for a lot of friends for the sake of the friendship. Granted, it's not ALL my female friends, but a lot of them. So maybe this is just a fluke, but nonetheless, watch out, ladies.
-I'm afraid to tell girls I like them because of my past and what it tends to do to a friendship. If the feelings ain't mutual, the friendship either ceases to exist, or it becomes severely strained. If you'd like to know my past endeavours, look back in the blog, I think it's somewhere in there (probably under my July 09 posting, which is my testimony).
-I've been single all my life, and I hate it. I hate that I'm constantly surrounded by romantic ideology and yet I can never partake. I know it's not everything, and I certainly know that romantic love isn't the only, or best, kind of love to have. But it's like being a kid who's too small for a really fun roller coaster. I want to have my turn, ya know? And it's not sex that I'm interested in; granted, that will (hopefully) come into play in marriage, but what I really want is a chance to be a major part of someone else's life. And my family doesn't count, as it's a gimme in that area.
-I'm a bit prideful when it comes to music. I am also very selective. What I mean about prideful is that I have what I believe to be a great voice, and I've screwed up and flaunted that before, which isn't right. I'm selective in that I can appreciate most all music, but there are certain kinds that I will not listen to, and others which I debase because I fail to see the motivation behind it.
-Somewhat tied into the last bit, I'm a jerk. I big fat fatty jerkhead. I try to be nice and generally amiable towards people, but I'm still foul at the core, and I let it slip intentionally from time to time. Case in point, I argued for three days about why bluegrass is crap music with a friend (at least, we WERE friends, though I think she may disagree now). I wouldn't let sleeping dogs lie, and kept getting in her face (via facebook, lol) about it. Now she's all huffy and I'm wondering why I did that.
-I cuss. Now, that's not such a big deal to many of you, but it is to me. I don't feel...I dunno, clean when I cuss. It's like doing something I know I shouldn't, and it bothers me. I don't cuss often, and try generally to avoid it, but I do let it slip. (Let it be known that I don't think it's necessarily wrong for others to cuss, it's a personal belief issue. I won't say cussing is a sin, because I'm not sure it is, but it's a personal sin to me).
-I have "checked out" a girl before. I am a guy, who's God-given drive is enhanced visually. Most times I'll catch myself and kind of scold my mind, but a lot of the time it just subconsciously happens. I don't mean to turn you into pieces of meat, girls. I really don't. I don't want to view you as sex-objects, because you're not. But also, give me a break when you decide it's fitting to wear a dark lace bra with a white v-neck "covering" it. (this is not aimed at any real situation that occurred, it's just an example I made up)
-I'm really bad at remembering names. Simple as that.
-A lot of what I do is partially done for the sake of approval of others. I should only seek God's approval and no one else's, but it's hard in a world like this.
-I have used gifts as a way of buying someone over. The key here is I HAVE done this, not that I DO do this all the time. So if I'm trying to spend money on you, and especially if you're a girl, don't automatically assume I'm trying to buy your affection. I also just like to love on my friends by giving them gifts.
-I am insecure about a lot of things. My weight was the major topic back in grade school, but I'm (for the most part) over it. It does still sting a little when someone comments on my weight, but I don't really mind it too much. There are other things, though. Anything I consider myself to be skilled in I am also insecure about (writing, singing, design, etc).
-Oddly enough, I have decently high standards for what girls I like and pursue for more than friendship. It's just funny to me because a guy of my build, at least in terms of worldly thinking, should just go for whatever is available. But there are certain criteria I look for, and many of them are unwavering.
-I break the law in many ways, and I'm okay with it. The most blatant way is downloading media. I also speed when I drive and run red lights from time to time. Nothing inherently dangerous really, because I think my decisions through. I only run reds, for example, when I don't want to crunch my brakes and the intersection's clear.
-I don't formally tithe to my church. The reason for this is because I feel that a tithe can be given to God by any method that serves His purposes. In my case, my tithe goes toward Young Life, whether it be gas money to get places, buying food or drinks for my YL friends, or donating towards their camp funds, I feel it's a perfectly acceptable method of tithing.
-I have been in internal conflict with a couple elders of the faith over some beliefs for a while. The reason I have not resolved these conflicts is because the elders are steadfast in their beliefs and are unwilling to accept mine as truth, even to me. They think that just because it disagrees with what they believe, it's biblically unsound, when really it's just my own interpretation of the scripture. It's nothing blatantly against what the Bible teaches.
-I agree with the thinking that religion must be stopped, and relationships must become the focus. To be clear, religion is the man-made methods for reaching God. Therefore, the religion of Christianity is a man-made idea, and is failing. I have a relationship with the Living God through His Son Jesus, and that alone is all I need.
-I have WAY too many shirts. WAY. TOO. MANY.
-I have had thoughts of suicide before. I've also been clinically depressed before as well. My mom thinks I still am depressed, but I'm fairly certain I'm just oppressed by Satan from time to time, as we all are. It leads to thinking wrong thoughts of self-depreciation and lack of worth or value. But I know I'm good enough to die for, or at least Jesus thinks so.
-I have quite a few friends these days, but I'm afraid I have too many. I've got what I call my friend-reserve of energy and caring, that only gets me so far. After that's depleted, I pretty much shut out people. It doesn't help that I'm an introvert and "recharge" by being alone and away from others. It's probably why I'm such a loner to begin with.
-With so many friends, it's hard to say I have any best friends. I may be a best friend to a few of them, but I don't really count anyone higher than the rest. I do, however, have a handful of friends that I tend to hang out with and talk to more. So I guess I do have a best friend-group.
-I have been a bit of a creeper and stalker in the past. Suffice it to say that I like to get to know people, whether or not they want me to, or know that I'm getting to know them. I don't mean any harm by it, but I do agree it's creepy and probably wrong.
I think that should hold you off for a while. I can't completely unload my sick, crazy self onto you all at once. I'm pretty sure you'd die.
As I always say, I'm available to explain further, or discuss anything you'd like. If you ask it, I'm more than likely going to respond to it.
I'm also available to talk with anyone who may be struggling with similar things and want some release or anything. I mean, it IS what I'm going to school for (even though I don't plan on using it in the end).
lovelovelovelovelove.
~@othern
A quick couple news items before we begin this list-fest:
1) I wrote another song that I will, at this time, not be posted on this blog. It is, however, in my notes on facebook. The reason for this is that I wrote the song in good humor about the situation Ronnie Radke (ex-vocalist of Escape the Fate) is in. I may or may not ever move it here, but if you know me IRL, you can view it on facebook. And should I decide to record that song with a band, I will be altering it to be more meaningful and teach a message rather than just basically laugh at the whole thing.
2) I will hopefully be writing more songs/blogs soon. I have a very strong notion to write a song similar to Impending Doom's "Silence The Oppressors" about the issues the Church has regarding the metal/hardcore scene. It's been burning my heart recently, so I'd like to get that out there.
3) I will be going back to school starting January 19th, and even though my schedule is a bit less demanding this semester (level 100 classes FTW), I may be falling out of writing again like I did last October.
Okay, onto the lists o' awesome.
The Changes I'd Like To Make:
-I want to write in my prayer journal every day. It's a step forward on the reading the Bible everyday thing that I started last year (and am still keeping up, thank God).
-I want to be more active in a church. This past year I kind of fell out of regularly attending my church (Vineyard North Phoenix). I don't want to do that anymore. So I want to start attending regularly again. Another offshoot of this is my friend's church is starting a college-age service and as far as I know, I'm still invited to be a part of the service, hopefully singing. I would love to do that.
-I want to be a better Young Life leader. I'm a really crappy one right now. I don't really do contact work, or hang with kids outside of club and campaigners.
-I want to be on good standing with all my friends. More of this in the confessions later.
-I want to be a blessing to a girl in the form of a romantic relationship. This is just a fancy way of saying, I don't want to be single anymore.
-I want to do things in God's will and strength, and not my own. Pretty self-explanatory, but a lot harder to do than say.
-I want to be more active in general. As much as I love loafing around my bedroom all day, I need to get out and play some frisbee, or even just go loaf around a coffee shop with friends. Something that doesn't involve my super-comfy computer chair.
-I want to write more, and write to please God. Sometimes I think I write stuff whether or not God is involved in my thinking. I hope He'll be in ALL my thinking and writing henceforth.
-I'd love to break my addiction. More to come in the confessions list.
-I want to start making good habits. I don't currently brush my teeth very often, because I didn't see it as such a big deal. But it needs to be done. I'm tired of carrying around Binaca everywhere I go for fear of scaring off pretty girls because of my breath-funk.
-I want to start making vocal practice a daily thing, not just on occasion. This involves finding time to practice, finding energy and willpower, and also testing my family with my loudness every single day. I haven't started this one yet though.
-I want to not get angry about certain things. I'm not generally an angry person to begin with, but some things get me super-heated. And I don't like it.
-I want to be a better friend. Sometimes I think I fail at friendship, and that it might turn my friends away from me. Luckily, God's graced me with some persistent people for friends.
I'd say that about sums up my first list. I would put something to the degree of getting a job on there, but I honestly don't know if that's the smartest move right now. Sure, I could use the extra money and the experience, but the time factor is the issue. I'm not sure if I'd be able to function properly with a job, school, Young Life, my family, and a band to work on. Just doesn't seem right.
Anyway, onto the fun list. Be forewarned that what is written below is some screwed up stuff, and I don't blame you for walking away disgusted, pissed off, or scared. I'm just telling it like it is, because I feel it's necessary.
The List O' Confessions
-The biggest one is my addiction. I'm addicted to pornography. I've been hooked since I was probably around 13. I have broken the addiction once back in 2007, but shortly dragged myself back into the hole. It's been better more recently than before, with only the occasional slip up. But it's something I feel deep disgust and chagrin for, and I am ashamed to admit it, even though I know I'm not alone.
-This addiction has spread to other areas of my life. I've used my imagination before to create some dastardly deeds. Not always sexual, mind you. I mean, some of them are, and I feel like a sick person, but I won't deny it.
-I've also imagined hurting people. Not just adults, but pretty much anyone who annoys me. I've thought about pushing my 4 year old niece down the stairs before. I never DID that, thank God, but I've thought it.
-Another somewhat big one (to me) is that I will avoid my friends if I don't feel like talking to them. I dodge calls like Neo dodged bullets in The Matrix all the time, and every time I do, I feel like a douche. If I don't agree with something that a friend does or did, I'll also sometimes avoid them. I'll make up a lie and say I'm busy with other people/things, or simply never return their messages or calls.
-I think I fall in love with any female who wants to be my friend. Maybe I'm wrong, but I find myself suppressing feelings for a lot of friends for the sake of the friendship. Granted, it's not ALL my female friends, but a lot of them. So maybe this is just a fluke, but nonetheless, watch out, ladies.
-I'm afraid to tell girls I like them because of my past and what it tends to do to a friendship. If the feelings ain't mutual, the friendship either ceases to exist, or it becomes severely strained. If you'd like to know my past endeavours, look back in the blog, I think it's somewhere in there (probably under my July 09 posting, which is my testimony).
-I've been single all my life, and I hate it. I hate that I'm constantly surrounded by romantic ideology and yet I can never partake. I know it's not everything, and I certainly know that romantic love isn't the only, or best, kind of love to have. But it's like being a kid who's too small for a really fun roller coaster. I want to have my turn, ya know? And it's not sex that I'm interested in; granted, that will (hopefully) come into play in marriage, but what I really want is a chance to be a major part of someone else's life. And my family doesn't count, as it's a gimme in that area.
-I'm a bit prideful when it comes to music. I am also very selective. What I mean about prideful is that I have what I believe to be a great voice, and I've screwed up and flaunted that before, which isn't right. I'm selective in that I can appreciate most all music, but there are certain kinds that I will not listen to, and others which I debase because I fail to see the motivation behind it.
-Somewhat tied into the last bit, I'm a jerk. I big fat fatty jerkhead. I try to be nice and generally amiable towards people, but I'm still foul at the core, and I let it slip intentionally from time to time. Case in point, I argued for three days about why bluegrass is crap music with a friend (at least, we WERE friends, though I think she may disagree now). I wouldn't let sleeping dogs lie, and kept getting in her face (via facebook, lol) about it. Now she's all huffy and I'm wondering why I did that.
-I cuss. Now, that's not such a big deal to many of you, but it is to me. I don't feel...I dunno, clean when I cuss. It's like doing something I know I shouldn't, and it bothers me. I don't cuss often, and try generally to avoid it, but I do let it slip. (Let it be known that I don't think it's necessarily wrong for others to cuss, it's a personal belief issue. I won't say cussing is a sin, because I'm not sure it is, but it's a personal sin to me).
-I have "checked out" a girl before. I am a guy, who's God-given drive is enhanced visually. Most times I'll catch myself and kind of scold my mind, but a lot of the time it just subconsciously happens. I don't mean to turn you into pieces of meat, girls. I really don't. I don't want to view you as sex-objects, because you're not. But also, give me a break when you decide it's fitting to wear a dark lace bra with a white v-neck "covering" it. (this is not aimed at any real situation that occurred, it's just an example I made up)
-I'm really bad at remembering names. Simple as that.
-A lot of what I do is partially done for the sake of approval of others. I should only seek God's approval and no one else's, but it's hard in a world like this.
-I have used gifts as a way of buying someone over. The key here is I HAVE done this, not that I DO do this all the time. So if I'm trying to spend money on you, and especially if you're a girl, don't automatically assume I'm trying to buy your affection. I also just like to love on my friends by giving them gifts.
-I am insecure about a lot of things. My weight was the major topic back in grade school, but I'm (for the most part) over it. It does still sting a little when someone comments on my weight, but I don't really mind it too much. There are other things, though. Anything I consider myself to be skilled in I am also insecure about (writing, singing, design, etc).
-Oddly enough, I have decently high standards for what girls I like and pursue for more than friendship. It's just funny to me because a guy of my build, at least in terms of worldly thinking, should just go for whatever is available. But there are certain criteria I look for, and many of them are unwavering.
-I break the law in many ways, and I'm okay with it. The most blatant way is downloading media. I also speed when I drive and run red lights from time to time. Nothing inherently dangerous really, because I think my decisions through. I only run reds, for example, when I don't want to crunch my brakes and the intersection's clear.
-I don't formally tithe to my church. The reason for this is because I feel that a tithe can be given to God by any method that serves His purposes. In my case, my tithe goes toward Young Life, whether it be gas money to get places, buying food or drinks for my YL friends, or donating towards their camp funds, I feel it's a perfectly acceptable method of tithing.
-I have been in internal conflict with a couple elders of the faith over some beliefs for a while. The reason I have not resolved these conflicts is because the elders are steadfast in their beliefs and are unwilling to accept mine as truth, even to me. They think that just because it disagrees with what they believe, it's biblically unsound, when really it's just my own interpretation of the scripture. It's nothing blatantly against what the Bible teaches.
-I agree with the thinking that religion must be stopped, and relationships must become the focus. To be clear, religion is the man-made methods for reaching God. Therefore, the religion of Christianity is a man-made idea, and is failing. I have a relationship with the Living God through His Son Jesus, and that alone is all I need.
-I have WAY too many shirts. WAY. TOO. MANY.
-I have had thoughts of suicide before. I've also been clinically depressed before as well. My mom thinks I still am depressed, but I'm fairly certain I'm just oppressed by Satan from time to time, as we all are. It leads to thinking wrong thoughts of self-depreciation and lack of worth or value. But I know I'm good enough to die for, or at least Jesus thinks so.
-I have quite a few friends these days, but I'm afraid I have too many. I've got what I call my friend-reserve of energy and caring, that only gets me so far. After that's depleted, I pretty much shut out people. It doesn't help that I'm an introvert and "recharge" by being alone and away from others. It's probably why I'm such a loner to begin with.
-With so many friends, it's hard to say I have any best friends. I may be a best friend to a few of them, but I don't really count anyone higher than the rest. I do, however, have a handful of friends that I tend to hang out with and talk to more. So I guess I do have a best friend-group.
-I have been a bit of a creeper and stalker in the past. Suffice it to say that I like to get to know people, whether or not they want me to, or know that I'm getting to know them. I don't mean any harm by it, but I do agree it's creepy and probably wrong.
I think that should hold you off for a while. I can't completely unload my sick, crazy self onto you all at once. I'm pretty sure you'd die.
As I always say, I'm available to explain further, or discuss anything you'd like. If you ask it, I'm more than likely going to respond to it.
I'm also available to talk with anyone who may be struggling with similar things and want some release or anything. I mean, it IS what I'm going to school for (even though I don't plan on using it in the end).
lovelovelovelovelove.
~@othern
January 01, 2010
They Shall Fall (Song)
OH TEN! Woooo!! New year, new look! I also hope to be designing the post backgrounds (currently the transparent black) but for now, this'll do!
Here's the first song of the new year, and not half bad. It's kinda different than what I'm used to; this song is more like For Today's latest album (Portraits), and is based off some biblical ideas. See if you can catch them!
Cool, eh? Yep.
Anyhoo, I'll be writing another blog this weekend regarding confessions and resolutions for the purpose of building up hope with my brothers and sisters who may or may not struggle with the same things.
Hit me up with ideas, questions, comments, or whatevs!
May God bless your new year,
~@
Here's the first song of the new year, and not half bad. It's kinda different than what I'm used to; this song is more like For Today's latest album (Portraits), and is based off some biblical ideas. See if you can catch them!
We just can't do this
The opposition towers
Above us like mountains
We gotta get out
"Come and fight me!
You'll fail quickly
Try to spite me!
I'll leave you dying"
Bring out the giants!
I'll face them myself
With the kiss of a stone
To the head of the foe
They shall fall
Their numbers are dwindling
Yet still, our blood stops cold
The fear has overtaken us
We need our hero!
Bring out the horsemen!
I'll kill them myself
With the kiss of a blade
I send them back to the grave
They shall fall
They shall fall!
For my God is mighty
His hand is fierce
His voice, it shatters
His love will pierce...
Our hearts beat in sync together
It's our chance to do or die
We fight now for forever
We fight now for forever!
Cool, eh? Yep.
Anyhoo, I'll be writing another blog this weekend regarding confessions and resolutions for the purpose of building up hope with my brothers and sisters who may or may not struggle with the same things.
Hit me up with ideas, questions, comments, or whatevs!
May God bless your new year,
~@
December 30, 2009
The Inflatable Anchor (Song)
buahahahahahahahaha!! I am sooo stoked. I was driving home tonight from visiting some friends for a late gift exchange, and was listening to a song by Emery ("After The Devil Beats His Wife") and was struck by some inspiration. The song somewhat draws from the Emery tune, as well as a song by Tool (weird, I know) called "Stinkfist".
Anyway, enjoy!
Again, if you want some explanation, I'm glad to share it!
Love you,
~@
Anyway, enjoy!
You think you have this
World all figured out?
Better think again
Before you're swallowed (whole)
Your depth perception
Must be a bit askew
Because right now you're ankle deep
Treading water and sweet perfume
So I'll throw you a lifeline
In the form of three simple words
I think I can save you
Then again the choice isn't mine
It's already clawing at your waist
Take a look around you
This is a storm of suffering and bad taste
And believe me, the waves are rising
Your depth perception
Must be a bit awry
Because right now you're shoulder deep
Treading water and velvet lies
So I'll throw you a lifeline
In the form of three simple words
I think I can save you
Then again the choice isn't mine
So I'll throw you a lifeline
In the form of three simple, little words
"I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU!"
Oh no!
Your lungs give way
Sucking in the poison
Of your precious world
It leaves you betrayed
I should have thrown you a lifeline
In the form of three simple words
I thought I could save you
Then again the choice was never mine
The choice was never mine...
Your depth perception
Has failed you
And so have I
And so have I
Again, if you want some explanation, I'm glad to share it!
Love you,
~@
December 29, 2009
Who's Countin'?
Okay, so I felt my blog was lonely with only one December post, and I kinda wanted to write anyway. It's just like me to get the urge to write when I should be sleeping, but it doesn't really matter. I have nowhere to be until next year really, so right now I'm just epitomizing the word lethargic.
To be frank, I don't like how my break is going. As much as I disdain schoolwork, and ASU as a whole to begin with, it at least gave me a reason to leave the house. Now, I have to forcefully will myself to go do stuff, and with a limited budget, and living in Phoenix, AZ where anything fun to do costs money or a marriage (ha), my options are a bit limited.
That being said, I had a good day today. I left the house. Twice. BOOYAH, GRANNY, BOOYAH! Yep yep. It was sweeeeet.
First, I went and picked up a new friend of mine; her name is Elora. She's a pimp, no lie. Anyway, we went and saw Avatar this morning, and afterwards I took her to work, which may not seem like a lot of fun to some of you, but I'm a big proponent of singing in the car, so the drive back alone was worth it, though the drive out was cool too. Apparently, Dethklok is epic enough for me to like.
So yeah, that was the first time. The second was when my new friend had accidentally left some of her belongings in my car. So I got to go drop them off (no biggie, more singing!), and then I went and hung out with another friend of mine who I'm trying to start a band with.
That's my day, folks. And this was an adventurous one. Imagine my life. Go ahead, do it. It's pretty sweet, right? Yep, God is good =)
Anyhoo, I guess I should actually update you on some things besides my day. My singing is going well, and I found a vocal warm-up which I'll be testing out this week methinks. My screaming is a bit funky and spotty, so I'm going to try on a couple different types and see if they prove more fruitful.
The whole band thing I mentioned is kind of an interesting topic I suppose. A bit of a backstory: this past summer, I began praying a lot about discerning God's will regarding my future, and specifically my area of ministry. Sure enough, the Big Guy came through and started pointing out a LOT of scripture in Psalms and other areas of the Bible talking about singing, and music, and instrumentation. And then later on, I went to New York for YL Summer Staff (totally a great experience, by the way) and met this dude named Barrett, who's basically my skinny twin. He loves God, and he loves music, and he even has snakebites like me =)
Moving forward a bit, I pieced this all together and deciphered that I had a definite gift for singing, and a desire to learn to scream. I also have a huge heart for the hardcore scene, as it's so passion-filled, and also, unfortunately, severely oppressed by the Church. I could name about six or seven bands right now that do what I want to do, so I will: Underoath, For Today, Sleeping Giant, Oh Sleeper, Impending Doom, The Great Commission, and A Plea For Purging.
All these guys do is make great music, and tour around the country, and world, sharing Christ with not only the fans, but the fellow bands as well. Brook, the vocalist from Impending Doom, as well as several others, have visions of Christianity taking hold of the world from the underground, and it gets me so fired up that I just want to drop everything and get into a band.
So, with that in mind, I starting looking for possible bandmates, or even a band in need of a vocalist. I found two of my YL club kids, David and Clendis. They're both only 16 or so, and none of us are well-honed super musicians, but we're a start, and I think these guys share my goal.
Anyway, that's the whole band thing. What to talk of next...OH! It's my friend Bethany's birthday today. You should comment below wishing her a happy birthday and I'll show her the love!
Also, I realize that 2009 is almost over, hence the title of the blog. I've been seeing a lot of introspective think pieces in facebook notes from friends, so I guess I could do that, as cheesy as it seems.
This year hasn't been too bad, but not too brilliant either. Done!
Seriously though, one notable thing is that I'm finally over the girl from my fiasco in 2007, which is awesome. And if you read this blog, she-who-must-not-be-named (not because your name is evil, but because I'd like to prevent any undue embarrassment), please know that I'm sorry the whole thing went down, and I truly do miss you and your other half as friends.
Speaking of girls, and of moving on, I find myself in what I lovingly call my "hunter mode". It's quite silly really, because I'm no good at this whole girl-liking thing, so it seems pretty futile to try finding one at this point. But still I trudge on. What's funny is, my motives for doing so aren't entirely what you might think.
Sure, there's the benefit of all that mushy stuff like holding hands and texting random things at 4AM to each other, which are definitely perks, but really don't hold a place in the top three reasons why I want to date someone. What are my top three reasons, you may ask?
1. I'm surrounded by love stories and feeling a bit left out. You literally cannot turn a corner in this damned world without running into some form of romance going on. No story is a good one with love involved, everybody knows that. It's just slightly depressing and escalates downward into self-depreciation after awhile. Hooray!
2. I guess the perks mentioned above might fit here, but whatever. I want intimacy. I don't want sex (that's for married or marred people) so much as I want to have a close relationship with someone. Sure, I've got Jesus to talk to whenever I want, and I've got plenty of spiritual intimacy, but (and this will sound very atheist-like) it's hard to experience physical intimacy with a spiritual being. Why do you think I love hugs so much?
3. I want to further experience God's love. Over the summer, I read a book by Donald Miller called To Own A Dragon. It's about his struggles of growing up/adjusting without a father. I, too, did not grow up with a father, so it spoke to me about a lot of stuff. One of the chapters was about Don's friend who had gotten married. Don asked him about marriage and what it was like, and the thing I walked away with most vividly imprinted from that chapter was what his friend said. He said that being married revealed a whole new view of God's love, like an undiscovered waterfall or something. Who wouldn't want that?
And I know it's not all easy, and I realize that God's not going to miraculously plop a girl down at my front door on a silver platter who instantly falls in love with me and we get married and live happily ever after. I realize this. But something's gotta give, right?
I'm a weird dude. I somehow ended up writing a checklist application for a girlfriend and posted it on facebook. Wanna read it? I'll copy+paste it for you.
Again I say, I'm a weird dude. Anyway, much to my confusion, this actually generated some interesting conversation which gives me hope that I'm not completely unwanted by the female population (not to say that those who DID reply were actually interested). But nonetheless, it helps.
So I guess I'll stop writing now. I mean, I've already shoveled a lot of crap at you with this one, and I don't want to scare you away any more than I already have =)
As always, I'm open to discussion. Just email me or drop a comment below, or even bring up some stuff in person.
I've been trying to get some inspiration for writing more songs, but I don't just want to churn out crap lyrics, so I guess I'll wait. I'll probably also post my "confessions" list soon. Maybe as part of a new year's resolution blog or something. Could be fun, eh?
Okay, I'm going now.
Love you,
~@
To be frank, I don't like how my break is going. As much as I disdain schoolwork, and ASU as a whole to begin with, it at least gave me a reason to leave the house. Now, I have to forcefully will myself to go do stuff, and with a limited budget, and living in Phoenix, AZ where anything fun to do costs money or a marriage (ha), my options are a bit limited.
That being said, I had a good day today. I left the house. Twice. BOOYAH, GRANNY, BOOYAH! Yep yep. It was sweeeeet.
First, I went and picked up a new friend of mine; her name is Elora. She's a pimp, no lie. Anyway, we went and saw Avatar this morning, and afterwards I took her to work, which may not seem like a lot of fun to some of you, but I'm a big proponent of singing in the car, so the drive back alone was worth it, though the drive out was cool too. Apparently, Dethklok is epic enough for me to like.
So yeah, that was the first time. The second was when my new friend had accidentally left some of her belongings in my car. So I got to go drop them off (no biggie, more singing!), and then I went and hung out with another friend of mine who I'm trying to start a band with.
That's my day, folks. And this was an adventurous one. Imagine my life. Go ahead, do it. It's pretty sweet, right? Yep, God is good =)
Anyhoo, I guess I should actually update you on some things besides my day. My singing is going well, and I found a vocal warm-up which I'll be testing out this week methinks. My screaming is a bit funky and spotty, so I'm going to try on a couple different types and see if they prove more fruitful.
The whole band thing I mentioned is kind of an interesting topic I suppose. A bit of a backstory: this past summer, I began praying a lot about discerning God's will regarding my future, and specifically my area of ministry. Sure enough, the Big Guy came through and started pointing out a LOT of scripture in Psalms and other areas of the Bible talking about singing, and music, and instrumentation. And then later on, I went to New York for YL Summer Staff (totally a great experience, by the way) and met this dude named Barrett, who's basically my skinny twin. He loves God, and he loves music, and he even has snakebites like me =)
Moving forward a bit, I pieced this all together and deciphered that I had a definite gift for singing, and a desire to learn to scream. I also have a huge heart for the hardcore scene, as it's so passion-filled, and also, unfortunately, severely oppressed by the Church. I could name about six or seven bands right now that do what I want to do, so I will: Underoath, For Today, Sleeping Giant, Oh Sleeper, Impending Doom, The Great Commission, and A Plea For Purging.
All these guys do is make great music, and tour around the country, and world, sharing Christ with not only the fans, but the fellow bands as well. Brook, the vocalist from Impending Doom, as well as several others, have visions of Christianity taking hold of the world from the underground, and it gets me so fired up that I just want to drop everything and get into a band.
So, with that in mind, I starting looking for possible bandmates, or even a band in need of a vocalist. I found two of my YL club kids, David and Clendis. They're both only 16 or so, and none of us are well-honed super musicians, but we're a start, and I think these guys share my goal.
Anyway, that's the whole band thing. What to talk of next...OH! It's my friend Bethany's birthday today. You should comment below wishing her a happy birthday and I'll show her the love!
Also, I realize that 2009 is almost over, hence the title of the blog. I've been seeing a lot of introspective think pieces in facebook notes from friends, so I guess I could do that, as cheesy as it seems.
This year hasn't been too bad, but not too brilliant either. Done!
Seriously though, one notable thing is that I'm finally over the girl from my fiasco in 2007, which is awesome. And if you read this blog, she-who-must-not-be-named (not because your name is evil, but because I'd like to prevent any undue embarrassment), please know that I'm sorry the whole thing went down, and I truly do miss you and your other half as friends.
Speaking of girls, and of moving on, I find myself in what I lovingly call my "hunter mode". It's quite silly really, because I'm no good at this whole girl-liking thing, so it seems pretty futile to try finding one at this point. But still I trudge on. What's funny is, my motives for doing so aren't entirely what you might think.
Sure, there's the benefit of all that mushy stuff like holding hands and texting random things at 4AM to each other, which are definitely perks, but really don't hold a place in the top three reasons why I want to date someone. What are my top three reasons, you may ask?
1. I'm surrounded by love stories and feeling a bit left out. You literally cannot turn a corner in this damned world without running into some form of romance going on. No story is a good one with love involved, everybody knows that. It's just slightly depressing and escalates downward into self-depreciation after awhile. Hooray!
2. I guess the perks mentioned above might fit here, but whatever. I want intimacy. I don't want sex (that's for married or marred people) so much as I want to have a close relationship with someone. Sure, I've got Jesus to talk to whenever I want, and I've got plenty of spiritual intimacy, but (and this will sound very atheist-like) it's hard to experience physical intimacy with a spiritual being. Why do you think I love hugs so much?
3. I want to further experience God's love. Over the summer, I read a book by Donald Miller called To Own A Dragon. It's about his struggles of growing up/adjusting without a father. I, too, did not grow up with a father, so it spoke to me about a lot of stuff. One of the chapters was about Don's friend who had gotten married. Don asked him about marriage and what it was like, and the thing I walked away with most vividly imprinted from that chapter was what his friend said. He said that being married revealed a whole new view of God's love, like an undiscovered waterfall or something. Who wouldn't want that?
And I know it's not all easy, and I realize that God's not going to miraculously plop a girl down at my front door on a silver platter who instantly falls in love with me and we get married and live happily ever after. I realize this. But something's gotta give, right?
I'm a weird dude. I somehow ended up writing a checklist application for a girlfriend and posted it on facebook. Wanna read it? I'll copy+paste it for you.
Eligibility is based on these, and a few other select items:
EDIT: I added a few things I forgot. They're located below, and denoted by a double dash like so "--".
--is single (generally a good thing to check for).
--is willing to pray with me and for me (believe me, I need it).
--has a face.
--reads the Bible (or at least tries to) [just a check on the whole Christian deal].
--loves themself (not in the naughty way).
-is a girl (read: confirmed female).
-has a face.
-is willing to not get bling (no gold diggers).
-actually likes me as a person.
-is between 17-23 (no, I'm not a pedophile).
-is a Christian.
-does not want premarital "relations".
-is willing to let me help you.
-is okay with me spitting from time to time (it comes with the job).
-has a face.
-is able to let me have guy night LAN parties.
-is willing to get married someday (oooh, scary)[also note, not necessarily to me].
-does not mind loud music.
-does not mind screaming in said music.
-likes hugs.
-does not want to cohabit (read: live together).
-has a face.
-is okay with my weirdness.
-is currently my friend (not on facebook, for realzies).
If you've made it this far:
Let's hang out =)
Some of these are negotiable, while others are not. Apply if you dare, muahahahahaha.
In all seriousness, this is a slight peek into my "ranking" of potentials, but was also made for funsies and is severely lacking in certain things.
Besides, if you really wanted to, I'm sure you'd convince me to ask you out. Shoot, some girls have done it without even trying! =)
At any rate, I love you all very much.
Again I say, I'm a weird dude. Anyway, much to my confusion, this actually generated some interesting conversation which gives me hope that I'm not completely unwanted by the female population (not to say that those who DID reply were actually interested). But nonetheless, it helps.
So I guess I'll stop writing now. I mean, I've already shoveled a lot of crap at you with this one, and I don't want to scare you away any more than I already have =)
As always, I'm open to discussion. Just email me or drop a comment below, or even bring up some stuff in person.
I've been trying to get some inspiration for writing more songs, but I don't just want to churn out crap lyrics, so I guess I'll wait. I'll probably also post my "confessions" list soon. Maybe as part of a new year's resolution blog or something. Could be fun, eh?
Okay, I'm going now.
Love you,
~@
December 19, 2009
If Plagues Could Talk (Song)
Okay, so I've been finishing up school these past several weeks, and I've been kicking myself to get back into writing. Unfortunately, a sinful man's life is never slow, so I've been slacking even more on writing. Thankfully, I got some inspiration out of nowhere (surely a sign of God, haha) to write this one. Enjoy.
A few things before I go:
1) This song should be pretty straight-forward, but if you need me to explain it, let me know. Also, I intentionally overplayed the word "don't", so you know.
2) My "band" got together last night and did some minor jamming, and I must say my screaming is coming along, and sounds much better in the microphone than in my car (ha). We're a long way off, but I think we're at a good starting point.
3) I have several writing ideas to try and accomplish soon. Hopefully I'll have another song up by Christmas, and I'm still mulling over publishing some confessions.
That's all, folks!
Drop me an email if you wanna talk about anything, or a comment if you just wanna leave some love. =)
~@
Don't wish me the world
I'd only watch it burn
A cruel magnifying glass
Focusing hatred into ants' backs
Don't you know why
I avoid the daylight?
It's not so flattering
To my purity, my purity
Don't look me in the eyes
I fear you'll see
This horror in me
I am what I despise
Don't bother buying
What my mouth sells
You haven't seen
What these hands are capable of
...It's not so flattering
Don't look me in the eyes
I fear you'll see
This horror in me
I am what I despise
FLEE FROM ME!
I'll consume you (I never knew you)
I'll destroy you (I never knew you)
I am Hell himself!
Don't love me with those eyes
I fear you don't see
This horror is me
I do what I despise
God save me from this!
A few things before I go:
1) This song should be pretty straight-forward, but if you need me to explain it, let me know. Also, I intentionally overplayed the word "don't", so you know.
2) My "band" got together last night and did some minor jamming, and I must say my screaming is coming along, and sounds much better in the microphone than in my car (ha). We're a long way off, but I think we're at a good starting point.
3) I have several writing ideas to try and accomplish soon. Hopefully I'll have another song up by Christmas, and I'm still mulling over publishing some confessions.
That's all, folks!
Drop me an email if you wanna talk about anything, or a comment if you just wanna leave some love. =)
~@
November 27, 2009
Love Letter Idolatry
Okay, so I'm sorry it's been forever since I've written anything. School's been kicking me around for a while, and with YL in full swing now, my free time is pretty much reserved for sleeping and pooping/reading. Well, I do have another project that I've started: I'm now going through my music library album by album (by band) listening and reading the lyrics as I go. I then catalog my favorite lyric snippets into a list. I have the first part (including Sleeping Giant and Oh, Sleeper's two albums each) on my facebook, and I can migrate it over here if you'd like to read it - just let me know.
So that isn't really the purpose I had in mind for this entry, but I wanted to give you a small update. Get ready for some good old new-thinking rant =)
My latest funk has been with the idea of ministry being a set in stone format. The main issue is basically that a lot of the now-elders of the faith have decided to take everything so freaking literally that they honestly believe there is only one thing that works. The basic issue I'm getting to is that I don't think the Bible is everything.
Now before you grab your pitchforks and chase me out of town, know that I read the Bible everyday and accept it as truth and the Word of God Himself. But also know that I don't think the Bible is the key to salvation. If it were the hinge of this "religious ideal", then how would people who never had access to a Bible or at least one in their language be saved?
I listen to a lot of Christian hardcore/metal music, as you probably know. One of my favorite bands is Sleeping Giant. I love them because they do what I yearn so very much to, which is minister to lost souls with their music. One thing in particular that I find very fascinating is they take a very wary stance amongst "The Church" (as we are so apt to call "it" these days). A small side note - you might want to go back and read my blog about what I believe church to be to fully grasp my ideas here.
A particular set of lyrics strike me from a couple of their songs, the first being "Blame It On The Holy Rollers". The idea here that they make is that they're tired of being judged for who they are, something "The Church" I think STILL has problems with (luckily, not nearly as much where I'm at). They also write about this "Sunday School mindset" and "play(ing) church". These really kind of hit home for me, because I think a lot of "The Church" seem complacent and basically stagnant in the faith, not sure where to turn next.
This takes me to my next idea of the Bible. Again, I'm not bashing it in any way, and I read it daily because I find it helps me renew my mind (Romans 12). It seems there is way too much emphasis on this book. I understand it's the Word of God, and it's useful for teaching, rebuke, reproof, etc. But if the Bible was all that was needed, why would "The Church" even exist?
Something else I feel I should say is that I teach from the Bible myself. I don't think it wrong to use the Bible in many situations. I just think we get so caught up in the "thees" and "thous" and lose sight of the true God. I mean, the Bible is just His love letter to us. Would you honestly say that a love letter is the most important thing in a relationship? I wouldn't.
I have a feeling you're going to want to quote John 1 to me now. You know, this little bit:
I get it. You think that the Bible is the incarnate of Jesus, or something like that. But don't you understand that if you become a Christian, Jesus resides in you! He doesn't need a book to tell us how to live right, to explain Himself. Granted, it seems He chooses to most often (insert Hebrews 1 reference here), but that doesn't mean He won't talk to you through anything else. I've got stories of how I've been spoken to by God without the words on the page.
I get a bit depressed seeing this go on, this literalness. It translates into people becoming dead-set on one single method that's worked before and just gets frustrating, because you start to think that just because that method has worked in the past, it'll work forever. It could, certainly, as God is timeless and His ways are mysterious, even to the point of repetition. However, do you really think people like this don't love Jesus with all their heart? These are my heroes!
I guess all I'm really trying to say is this: those of you who think you're the shiz, who think you have it all together and you've got the "proper" way to "be a Christian", let me say that the ONLY thing that's required is to worship our Lord. How we do so is irrelevant (so long as it's not obviously sinful and, well, retarded). Yes, we are called to go and make disciples, but guess what? THIS IS WORSHIP!
And I choose to worship differently from you. That doesn't make me any less loved and lovely. Theology is great. But it's personal. Leave it at that, and I swear, if you push your beliefs, you come across as a bent salesman, trying to sell the latest God model.
STOP SELLING! Start loving. (yay for soap box moments)
This probably (as my writing tends to do) jumps around and probably leaves a lot of my thoughts out (it's damn near impossible to get it all down at the speed I think). So if you find yourself lost and want me to explain it better, let me know. I'd be happy to get coffee or something with you (if you're in the area, anyway) or just email you about it.
Also, I'm praying over a confessions list I want to write and make public, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do right now, but I want to make it known that people are not alone in their struggles.
Anyway, I love you guys, wherever you may be.
~@othern
So that isn't really the purpose I had in mind for this entry, but I wanted to give you a small update. Get ready for some good old new-thinking rant =)
My latest funk has been with the idea of ministry being a set in stone format. The main issue is basically that a lot of the now-elders of the faith have decided to take everything so freaking literally that they honestly believe there is only one thing that works. The basic issue I'm getting to is that I don't think the Bible is everything.
Now before you grab your pitchforks and chase me out of town, know that I read the Bible everyday and accept it as truth and the Word of God Himself. But also know that I don't think the Bible is the key to salvation. If it were the hinge of this "religious ideal", then how would people who never had access to a Bible or at least one in their language be saved?
I listen to a lot of Christian hardcore/metal music, as you probably know. One of my favorite bands is Sleeping Giant. I love them because they do what I yearn so very much to, which is minister to lost souls with their music. One thing in particular that I find very fascinating is they take a very wary stance amongst "The Church" (as we are so apt to call "it" these days). A small side note - you might want to go back and read my blog about what I believe church to be to fully grasp my ideas here.
A particular set of lyrics strike me from a couple of their songs, the first being "Blame It On The Holy Rollers". The idea here that they make is that they're tired of being judged for who they are, something "The Church" I think STILL has problems with (luckily, not nearly as much where I'm at). They also write about this "Sunday School mindset" and "play(ing) church". These really kind of hit home for me, because I think a lot of "The Church" seem complacent and basically stagnant in the faith, not sure where to turn next.
This takes me to my next idea of the Bible. Again, I'm not bashing it in any way, and I read it daily because I find it helps me renew my mind (Romans 12). It seems there is way too much emphasis on this book. I understand it's the Word of God, and it's useful for teaching, rebuke, reproof, etc. But if the Bible was all that was needed, why would "The Church" even exist?
Something else I feel I should say is that I teach from the Bible myself. I don't think it wrong to use the Bible in many situations. I just think we get so caught up in the "thees" and "thous" and lose sight of the true God. I mean, the Bible is just His love letter to us. Would you honestly say that a love letter is the most important thing in a relationship? I wouldn't.
I have a feeling you're going to want to quote John 1 to me now. You know, this little bit:
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. (John 1.1)
I get it. You think that the Bible is the incarnate of Jesus, or something like that. But don't you understand that if you become a Christian, Jesus resides in you! He doesn't need a book to tell us how to live right, to explain Himself. Granted, it seems He chooses to most often (insert Hebrews 1 reference here), but that doesn't mean He won't talk to you through anything else. I've got stories of how I've been spoken to by God without the words on the page.
I get a bit depressed seeing this go on, this literalness. It translates into people becoming dead-set on one single method that's worked before and just gets frustrating, because you start to think that just because that method has worked in the past, it'll work forever. It could, certainly, as God is timeless and His ways are mysterious, even to the point of repetition. However, do you really think people like this don't love Jesus with all their heart? These are my heroes!
I guess all I'm really trying to say is this: those of you who think you're the shiz, who think you have it all together and you've got the "proper" way to "be a Christian", let me say that the ONLY thing that's required is to worship our Lord. How we do so is irrelevant (so long as it's not obviously sinful and, well, retarded). Yes, we are called to go and make disciples, but guess what? THIS IS WORSHIP!
And I choose to worship differently from you. That doesn't make me any less loved and lovely. Theology is great. But it's personal. Leave it at that, and I swear, if you push your beliefs, you come across as a bent salesman, trying to sell the latest God model.
STOP SELLING! Start loving. (yay for soap box moments)
This probably (as my writing tends to do) jumps around and probably leaves a lot of my thoughts out (it's damn near impossible to get it all down at the speed I think). So if you find yourself lost and want me to explain it better, let me know. I'd be happy to get coffee or something with you (if you're in the area, anyway) or just email you about it.
Also, I'm praying over a confessions list I want to write and make public, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do right now, but I want to make it known that people are not alone in their struggles.
Anyway, I love you guys, wherever you may be.
~@othern
November 04, 2009
I Have A Dreamsicle (Song)
Okay, so here's the deal, folks. I have been listening a LOT to Owl City (Relient K has been a strong influence here as well). So this song is written in a very artsy fartsy rhyming fashion, similarly paced to an Owl City song (in my head). While the parts at first seemed very dissonant (aka, not meshing), I think I worked it out well enough that I like how it sits altogether. So enjoy.
© @othern 2009.
all the shallow girls
leave their hearts on the shore
hoping that the waves will leave pain replete
and the ones with unmet dreams
don't cry anymore
for their struggles are buried six feet deep
so sleep,
let the winds take your hand
feel the beat
from the smooth ocean sands
all the glaciers will melt
from the warmth we have felt
when we're together...
but when you wake up
you wanna run from the fear
just like your makeup
streams of black from your tears
but when the sobs have died down
and your eyes stop drowning
if you could only see
the overbearing joy in me
just from you hearing my name
on your lips
my heart is doing backflips
as you walk on by
and then the dream slowly slips away
i can't help but sigh
and hope for a new day
© @othern 2009.
November 01, 2009
We is Imperfect
So uhhh....hi. It's been awhile. Sorry about that =/
It seems that school saw fit to vomit nonstop on me the entire month of October. Now, I'm not saying that college is supposed to be a breeze and we shouldn't have to ever struggle, but geez. I mean GEEZ. I'm talkin' multiple projects and papers due every week, 70+ pages of reading every week, and at least three other various time-consuming assignments on top of that.
And apparently God decided to teach me a lesson (that which I have not yet figured out) last week. It was my "midterm week." I only really had one midterm, but I had about four other major tests or projects/papers due this past week. The kicker? I've been sick for just over a week now with what appears to be pneumonia. It's not like I'm bedridden (obviously, I can't just ignore midterms), but it's been a real jerk.
Anyway, that's my excuse for not writing in so long. I apologize for those of you that read this (even myself). I also apologize that this particular blog isn't going to be super duper awesome. There aren't going to be any new song lyrics, and I'm only lightly touching on some stuff from a few weeks ago that I've read or heard or thought. So let's do that.
Hobey ho, let's go! (Pendragon pun. I don't expect you to get it)
First off, I feel I should update you on my music. I have officially fallen in love with Owl City. Something ethereal about it forces a smile just about every time I listen to it. My friend has also discovered trance techno, and has hooked me on some podcasts. I prefer happy hardcore techno, but trance is good too.
Also, I recently picked up the new blessthefall and Relient K albums. Both are truly amazing, though I've leaned towards Relient K and I'll tell you why. I've been mellowing out my musical choices this cold-weather season. Methinks it's due to the fact that I always get this overbearing sense of melancholy around this time of year. My only guess is that it's a subconscious revival of my 2007 throwdown (see earlier blogs for more information).
Anyway, Forget and Not Slow Down, Relient K's newest, is really kind of sad. The idea behind the album is that Matthew Thiessen was engaged and something happened - I won't speculate - and they broke up, and this album pretty much sums up Thiessen's emotional and spiritual responses to the situation. It's super good though, I suggest you pick it up. Witness via blessthefall is also good, but I have my reservations because of some controversial lyrics in a song. I won't go into details.
Alright, what to talk about next...well, I haven't written any lyrics in a while. The last song I wrote is the last blog (sadness). I have, however, read some Mere Christianity a la C.S. Lewis. I'm about half way through it, this being my second go at it, and I still am picking up so much new stuff that I hadn't caught when I first read it. It appears that Lewis does this a lot. Mr. Enigmatic.
I read the section on Christian sex and marriage, and I think I wanna expound upon some of it.
Here's a quote from the sex chapter:
The reason I quoted this is because it raised in my mind this idea of sin ranking, or inequality. In my various Bible studies throughout the week, I've come across this idea of sins being of differing severity. Let me first explain that I have always believed that all sins are of equal value in regards to "how evil" it is, so to speak. However, recently there was a portion of my college group in which we talked about some sins being worse than others. The question was posed about the "Unforgivable Sin", which we came to agree upon as the complete and utter rejection of Jesus and His message in the presence of Jesus Himself. Matthew speaks about it being blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, and it basically is. The true meaning, we came to agree, is that the "Unforgivable Sin" was actually aimed at the Pharisees who, despite the numerous miracles Jesus performed just about daily, refused to believe Jesus, and accredited His works to Satan. Makes sense why they would not be forgiven for that, considering they had a bajillion chances to repent and give in, but they were so foolhardy that they just killed Him.
Now, this idea carries on to modern times in that the "Unforgivable Sin" can still be committed. But by whom? Certainly not Christians, because a "true Christian" would never denounce the framework of their faith. It falls, then, to the nonbeliever. And I think God is pretty lenient on this. I don't mean He'll let it slide or whatever, but the "requirements" for this sin are pretty hardcore. From my understanding, you have to have openly heard and seen and come to understand the basis of the Gospel, and turned it down to follow your own pursuits. Possibly even multiple times. What's funny is, I don't think God would turn these people down if they ever did repent, even on their deathbed. I think the sin refers only to those who never would repent. After all, He is God. He can see down the road who will do what.
This in mind, I heard not too long after from my Young Life study that sins are not equal in magnitude, that some are "worse" than others. I don't really think this true, with the exception of that mentioned above, simply because God cannot forgive us if we don't let Him. But aside from that, who is to say lying is less evil than, say, adultery? Both are deceptive, and both can severely damage relationships. I can agree that some sins carry more baggage than others. For instance, having an affair that ends in divorce is obviously a harsher consequence than lying to your spouse about how they look. The same goes for murder. If you kill someone, the consequences are much higher (realtime consequences, mind you) - prison, execution, a guilty conscience, etc. So if that is where we draw the line on inequality that's fine. But what do you think?
Anyway, the next bit from Lewis was about Christian marriage. If you know me at all, you may have found me a bit obsessed with marriage and this idea of romantic love (well, really all kinds of love, as romantic love only gets you so far). So this chapter truly appealed to me. Some noteworthy quotes below:
Quick LOL for ^this^ one. Irony.
This last quote intrigued me. I think it mainly hits home since gay marriage is all the rage right now. And honestly, I support it. Why? Because - and make sure you read this slowly and understand it - people who are not Christian should not be held to Christian standards. I know some of you will be like OMGWTFBBQ, but hear me out.
First of all, Christians have an astounding framework of support surrounding them, and the infinite source of strength itself (Jesus). Marriage is hard, no doubt. A lot of what Jesus calls us to is hard. If it were easy, we would never need to lean on Him for strength and hope and love and peace. If things were a stroll in the park, we'd have no need for the Holy Spirit. Honestly ask yourself, if things were never hard ever, would you truly pray still? Would you be in fellowship with likeminded people on Sunday mornings when you would rather have slept in? Would you even pick up the Bible?
I think I can say I would not. I mean, I have never felt that life was too good for God. And I'm glad for that.
That being said, how can we expect people without this massive support to go on upholding these "morals" that a) they don't believe in and b) are wicked hard to keep up without God? I'm not saying God is never with you ever if you don't believe in Him, because I don't think that's true. But I do know that trusting in Him is a major key to this. And how can you trust that which you do not believe in? Seems pretty impossible to me.
That's what I love about C.S. Lewis. He really gets me thinking about real issues and areas of contemplation I think I'd never have stumbled into otherwise.
Well, that's just about all I have to say right now. I'll plug some links real quick though and be on my way.
Here you'll find my uncle's sermons in .mp3 format. He's a brilliant teacher, and one of my favorite people.
Jon Shanahan is a great friend I found in New York on Summer Staff this year. He does these silly vlogs that update me on his life. I enjoy them. You should too.
That's about it, folks.
Thanks for reading! And if you would like to pray for me, please pray for healing, my musical pursuits, and Young Life. Thank you!
love love lovelovelovelove,
~@
It seems that school saw fit to vomit nonstop on me the entire month of October. Now, I'm not saying that college is supposed to be a breeze and we shouldn't have to ever struggle, but geez. I mean GEEZ. I'm talkin' multiple projects and papers due every week, 70+ pages of reading every week, and at least three other various time-consuming assignments on top of that.
And apparently God decided to teach me a lesson (that which I have not yet figured out) last week. It was my "midterm week." I only really had one midterm, but I had about four other major tests or projects/papers due this past week. The kicker? I've been sick for just over a week now with what appears to be pneumonia. It's not like I'm bedridden (obviously, I can't just ignore midterms), but it's been a real jerk.
Anyway, that's my excuse for not writing in so long. I apologize for those of you that read this (even myself). I also apologize that this particular blog isn't going to be super duper awesome. There aren't going to be any new song lyrics, and I'm only lightly touching on some stuff from a few weeks ago that I've read or heard or thought. So let's do that.
Hobey ho, let's go! (Pendragon pun. I don't expect you to get it)
First off, I feel I should update you on my music. I have officially fallen in love with Owl City. Something ethereal about it forces a smile just about every time I listen to it. My friend has also discovered trance techno, and has hooked me on some podcasts. I prefer happy hardcore techno, but trance is good too.
Also, I recently picked up the new blessthefall and Relient K albums. Both are truly amazing, though I've leaned towards Relient K and I'll tell you why. I've been mellowing out my musical choices this cold-weather season. Methinks it's due to the fact that I always get this overbearing sense of melancholy around this time of year. My only guess is that it's a subconscious revival of my 2007 throwdown (see earlier blogs for more information).
Anyway, Forget and Not Slow Down, Relient K's newest, is really kind of sad. The idea behind the album is that Matthew Thiessen was engaged and something happened - I won't speculate - and they broke up, and this album pretty much sums up Thiessen's emotional and spiritual responses to the situation. It's super good though, I suggest you pick it up. Witness via blessthefall is also good, but I have my reservations because of some controversial lyrics in a song. I won't go into details.
Alright, what to talk about next...well, I haven't written any lyrics in a while. The last song I wrote is the last blog (sadness). I have, however, read some Mere Christianity a la C.S. Lewis. I'm about half way through it, this being my second go at it, and I still am picking up so much new stuff that I hadn't caught when I first read it. It appears that Lewis does this a lot. Mr. Enigmatic.
I read the section on Christian sex and marriage, and I think I wanna expound upon some of it.
Here's a quote from the sex chapter:
The sins of the flesh are bad, but they are the
least bad of all sins. All the worst pleasures are purely spiritual: the
pleasure of putting other people in the wrong, of bossing and patronising
and spoiling sport, and back-biting; the pleasures of power, of hatred.
The reason I quoted this is because it raised in my mind this idea of sin ranking, or inequality. In my various Bible studies throughout the week, I've come across this idea of sins being of differing severity. Let me first explain that I have always believed that all sins are of equal value in regards to "how evil" it is, so to speak. However, recently there was a portion of my college group in which we talked about some sins being worse than others. The question was posed about the "Unforgivable Sin", which we came to agree upon as the complete and utter rejection of Jesus and His message in the presence of Jesus Himself. Matthew speaks about it being blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, and it basically is. The true meaning, we came to agree, is that the "Unforgivable Sin" was actually aimed at the Pharisees who, despite the numerous miracles Jesus performed just about daily, refused to believe Jesus, and accredited His works to Satan. Makes sense why they would not be forgiven for that, considering they had a bajillion chances to repent and give in, but they were so foolhardy that they just killed Him.
Now, this idea carries on to modern times in that the "Unforgivable Sin" can still be committed. But by whom? Certainly not Christians, because a "true Christian" would never denounce the framework of their faith. It falls, then, to the nonbeliever. And I think God is pretty lenient on this. I don't mean He'll let it slide or whatever, but the "requirements" for this sin are pretty hardcore. From my understanding, you have to have openly heard and seen and come to understand the basis of the Gospel, and turned it down to follow your own pursuits. Possibly even multiple times. What's funny is, I don't think God would turn these people down if they ever did repent, even on their deathbed. I think the sin refers only to those who never would repent. After all, He is God. He can see down the road who will do what.
This in mind, I heard not too long after from my Young Life study that sins are not equal in magnitude, that some are "worse" than others. I don't really think this true, with the exception of that mentioned above, simply because God cannot forgive us if we don't let Him. But aside from that, who is to say lying is less evil than, say, adultery? Both are deceptive, and both can severely damage relationships. I can agree that some sins carry more baggage than others. For instance, having an affair that ends in divorce is obviously a harsher consequence than lying to your spouse about how they look. The same goes for murder. If you kill someone, the consequences are much higher (realtime consequences, mind you) - prison, execution, a guilty conscience, etc. So if that is where we draw the line on inequality that's fine. But what do you think?
Anyway, the next bit from Lewis was about Christian marriage. If you know me at all, you may have found me a bit obsessed with marriage and this idea of romantic love (well, really all kinds of love, as romantic love only gets you so far). So this chapter truly appealed to me. Some noteworthy quotes below:
If people do not believe in permanent marriage, it is perhaps
better that they should live together unmarried than that they should make
vows they do not mean to keep... one
fault is not mended by adding another.
The promise, made when I am in love and because I am in
love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits one to being true
even if I cease to be in love.
A promise must be about things that I can do,
about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling in a certain way.
Quick LOL for ^this^ one. Irony.
Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. You
cannot make it the basis of a whole life.
There ought to be two distinct kinds of marriage: one governed by the
State with rules enforced on all citizens, the other governed by the Church
with rules enforced by her on her own members. The distinction ought to be
quite sharp, so that a man knows which couples are married in a Christian
sense and which are not.
This last quote intrigued me. I think it mainly hits home since gay marriage is all the rage right now. And honestly, I support it. Why? Because - and make sure you read this slowly and understand it - people who are not Christian should not be held to Christian standards. I know some of you will be like OMGWTFBBQ, but hear me out.
First of all, Christians have an astounding framework of support surrounding them, and the infinite source of strength itself (Jesus). Marriage is hard, no doubt. A lot of what Jesus calls us to is hard. If it were easy, we would never need to lean on Him for strength and hope and love and peace. If things were a stroll in the park, we'd have no need for the Holy Spirit. Honestly ask yourself, if things were never hard ever, would you truly pray still? Would you be in fellowship with likeminded people on Sunday mornings when you would rather have slept in? Would you even pick up the Bible?
I think I can say I would not. I mean, I have never felt that life was too good for God. And I'm glad for that.
That being said, how can we expect people without this massive support to go on upholding these "morals" that a) they don't believe in and b) are wicked hard to keep up without God? I'm not saying God is never with you ever if you don't believe in Him, because I don't think that's true. But I do know that trusting in Him is a major key to this. And how can you trust that which you do not believe in? Seems pretty impossible to me.
That's what I love about C.S. Lewis. He really gets me thinking about real issues and areas of contemplation I think I'd never have stumbled into otherwise.
Well, that's just about all I have to say right now. I'll plug some links real quick though and be on my way.
Here you'll find my uncle's sermons in .mp3 format. He's a brilliant teacher, and one of my favorite people.
Jon Shanahan is a great friend I found in New York on Summer Staff this year. He does these silly vlogs that update me on his life. I enjoy them. You should too.
That's about it, folks.
Thanks for reading! And if you would like to pray for me, please pray for healing, my musical pursuits, and Young Life. Thank you!
love love lovelovelovelove,
~@
October 05, 2009
Ender (song)
EDIT: this song follows the previous one in the "series" a song or two back, fyi.
Okay, so I had some good ideas at the start of this thing, but as I kept writing (and listening to Owl City all the while...not a good combination for this style of lyric) it progressively slipped my mind.
So, this song was a bit "forced" to completion. I'm not too proud of it, to be honest. But just about all my songs need some work, and they'll definitely be tweaked for actual recording, should I ever get them put to music.
Also, I realize now that my song titles are kind of boring. So I may be renaming them here and there. I might edit some things in the lyrics themselves as I go along as well, so check back for changes if you want (I can tell you now that the "breakdown" portion of Tommy the Gun has changed :) )
As always, comments are appreciated.
lovelovelovelovelovelove.
© @othern 2009.
Okay, so I had some good ideas at the start of this thing, but as I kept writing (and listening to Owl City all the while...not a good combination for this style of lyric) it progressively slipped my mind.
So, this song was a bit "forced" to completion. I'm not too proud of it, to be honest. But just about all my songs need some work, and they'll definitely be tweaked for actual recording, should I ever get them put to music.
The moon is crying fire!
Shedding tears of ruin
The weight of the world
Won't stand a chance
Blackened blood clouds
Choke the dreams of millions
And all I hear are the ghosts
Like white noise, its drowning me
I want to hear Your voice
Oh sing me one more song
I'm just so alone in this
I know I don't belong
The darkness is overwhelming
No light would dare to shine
The land resembles a sepulchre
Hungry for the next in line
And all I hear are the ghosts
Like white noise, its drowning me
I want to hear Your voice
Oh sing me one more song
I'm just so alone in this
I know I don't belong
I don't belong in a world of abandonment
It shouldn't be this way, I can't handle it
We have to stop him,
Stop the beast on the hill
God, send me Your sword
If You won't do it, I will
Strike with vengeance
Exact Your justice
Let the world know
That You loved us
Also, I realize now that my song titles are kind of boring. So I may be renaming them here and there. I might edit some things in the lyrics themselves as I go along as well, so check back for changes if you want (I can tell you now that the "breakdown" portion of Tommy the Gun has changed :) )
As always, comments are appreciated.
lovelovelovelovelovelove.
© @othern 2009.
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